First Date Dos and Don'ts
The top 3 unusual (but awesome) first-date ideas
Does anyone truly like to date? I mean, really get excited about sifting through potential candidates, sussing out neuroses, reading between the lines? I’m not talking about the thrill and anticipation you might feel the day you’re going out with someone new. I’m talking about the nitty-gritty research involved in finding someone who intrigues you. I suppose there are some people who enjoy the hunt. And others who are so confident (or delusional) that they don’t feel as if they’re opening themselves up to humiliation, pain, and suffering—along with sexual tension and the possibility of intense joy. But, by and large, I think, dating rates pretty far down the fun scale.
I should know. I’m one of the dating masses. And while I’m not so cynical as to say it sucks entirely, I would suggest that daters need all the help they can get. That’s why I have my own "panel of experts," my team of go-to people. They tell me when not to call him, when not to believe him, when to cut him a break. They soothe me when I’m freaking out. And I can’t tell you how many times they’ve pushed me back into the fray.
Enter Dave Singleton, an author whose latest book is Behind Every Great Woman There’s a Fabulous Gay Man: Advice from a Guy Who Gives It to You Straight. He also wrote The Mandates: 25 Real Rules for Successful Gay Dating. Needless to say, Dave knows a thing or two about men—and he’s willing to share.
I’m an online dater, as I told Dave when we met for coffee. Some months I’ll have the time and energy to spend on dating sites, then I won’t even sign on again for weeks. After a romantic drought, though, I’ll usually get depressed and feel like I’ve gotta do something, and online dating is the most direct route to getting back in the game.
Dave’s answer to the burnout factor in online dating is the "step-up." "You want to quickly meet to gauge chemistry," he says. "After getting stuck for hours with a few losers, a girl learns to agree only to a coffee-screener, or some other 'step-up' date, before actually committing to an entire evening." He’s right, in theory, but I’m so done with the coffee date. I don’t think I’ve ever felt sexy in a Starbucks. I use the phone to screen out losers. But when, by phone or by latte, you’ve decided the guy is worthy, what makes a great first date? I ran a few of my own past Dave, and he picked three winning ideas.
1. Taking a new guy to a baseball game. This scored high on the Dave-o-meter. "Sports venues are an excellent way to experience straight men in their natural habitats," he says. "With their guards down, they’re likely having fun and feeling good. Plus, chances are you’ll get credit for being a good sport."
2. Meeting in the park on a warm evening for a bike ride. Dave totally approved of this idea. "Plan to do something that reveals your spirit," he advises, "whether it’s an athletic activity or an outdoor concert." So far, so good. The problem was that I’m a highly competitive rider, and the guy couldn’t keep up.
Discussion
think she should have talked to more than one person. I absolutely avoid movies for the first couple of dates. I prefer to meet for a drink first. You can always bail after the drink (and avoid paying for dinner for someone you'll never see again) If things go well, you can move onto dinner. if things go really well, you'll eventually be watching PLENTY of movies together anyway.
think she should have talked to more than one person. I absolutely avoid movies for the first couple of dates. I prefer to meet for a drink first. You can always bail after the drink (and avoid paying for dinner for someone you'll never see again) If things go well, you can move onto dinner. if things go really well, you'll eventually be watching PLENTY of movies together anyway.
Dinner, happy hour, or drinks and appetizers is really the best 1st date IMO. Unless you don't drink, dinner works well, and doesn't have to be fancy, but stick with food you BOTH like. Personally, I get nervous and jittery while drinking coffee, and that really doesn't help me out! Know your liquors though....a glass of wine or 2 might ease the tension and set a nice mood. However, vodka gives me a load of energy, and I'm not sure if I want my date to see that much of my wild side on the 1st night!!! 26/F
Dinner, happy hour, or drinks and appetizers is really the best 1st date IMO. Unless you don't drink, dinner works well, and doesn't have to be fancy, but stick with food you BOTH like. Personally, I get nervous and jittery while drinking coffee, and that really doesn't help me out! Know your liquors though....a glass of wine or 2 might ease the tension and set a nice mood. However, vodka gives me a load of energy, and I'm not sure if I want my date to see that much of my wild side on the 1st night!!! 26/F
Hello , I am new to Tango so please just consider this as my first day here.( LOL) Not really, In my opinoin we are to all to eager to catogorize things so they don't get away from us. The best option available first ,last,(Anytime) do what makes you both happy what ever that may be. Wow simple do what makes you both happy.
I think Dave's ideas are great and those were all excellent dating examples. Except the only thing I'm still unsure about is the "herd" advice. I almost tired it once, but it made me feel slutty, even though I never even went out on dates with either of them. And when you start to do that, both guys think they like you and it's hard to let them down if you only pick one. So I say, choose one guy and stick with him. Don't keep your sites set on more then one.
I completely agree with the advice. It is great to do an activity because it calms the nerves and is fun to do. I get to know the person better by interacting with them. This way I can talk to the guy and it doesn't feel too much like an interview. (example: batting cages, mini golf, rollarblading, darts or playing pool) Movies are fun, but not a good idea for the first few dates.
I think going to a movie, and then to dinner is a good first date. You can judge a man well by how he acts when you do something that involves courtesy, like not talking while the movie is going, or how he acts in the popcorn line. If his behavior is bad, you can still ditch. If you find that he is nice, then you can go to dinner, and you also have one common thing to talk about.
Totally agree with the fact that a first date can already feel like an "interview" - so just being who you are - and doing something together - meeting there is best for me - that you both already find easy and comfortable has worked for me. I am now facing a blind date - which I havent done since High School - I always just meet people naturally - so seems to be an un-natural concept for me - but we shall see. I might not rule it out just yet,,,as my parents met that way - and have been married for 20 years. I have learned - be yourself and tactful and kind and sincere right away - be truthful about what you want or don't bother. Good luck and happy dating. ;)
I find standard "dating" artificial and not conducive to getting past the masks and shields we all use. I prefer persuing my usual interests and inviting a woman along for something I'd usually do alone. Skiing, cooking class, shopping for clothes or camping supplies, bike ride, whatever. Or joining in her activities, if she's not too timid. Much less pressure if there's some focus other than the interview, and more showing instead of telling.
I find movies to be a good first date because it gives me a good starting point to start conversations. I can ask about favorite movies or favorite scary movies and that branches out to other areas of conversation. Also I think its hard to fill two hours of conversation with a new person so this is a good buffer. Also I think a first date around friends is great it is a good comfort zone. Also it allows your date to see that other people like you and accept you so you may be ok to get to know. Its a general stamp of approval
