Infusing Fantasy Into Your Sex Life
Act out fantasies together because imagination enhances our sex lives.
After dismounting your partner's white stallion, Thundersnow, the two of you enjoy a candlelit meal of champagne and strawberries in the manicured organic garden next to the orphanage and motorcycle-repair shop he runs.
Your crystal flute empty, he immediately gives you a massage, until he's overcome by your beauty. His bulging triceps—though he's a wealthy philanthropist, he keeps in shape by working as a mailman, pool boy, and plumber—ripple as he tenderly, lovingly, emotionally rips off the size-two bodice you bought on sale.
And then, just when things are getting really good… your Tequiza-addled boyfriend accidentally falls off the futon.
That kind of scenario may not play a regular part in your sex life—but chances are some sort of fantasizing does. Even if you and your partner don't typically dress up like household laborers or teenage wizards, you no doubt both use your sexual imaginations on a regular basis.
From picturing the hottie in Accounts Payable naked, to role-playing, to thinking about other people or circumstances while masturbating or having sex, people often use fantasies to augment their lovemaking.
In fact, there are women who can achieve orgasm merely by conjuring that philanthropist/mailman/pool boy/plumber in their heads. (Seriously. And they're being studied.) Even if you're not blessed with that ability, research has shown that women's orgasms are in some ways more tied to mental gymnastics than to anything that's happening in the physical world.
"In women, the vast majority of sex is going on in their minds," explains Dr. Anita H. Clayton, a professor in the Department of Psychiatric Medicine at the University of Virginia and author of an upcoming book about the relationship between sex and the psyche. "So we can be easily distracted or shift into another set of feelings very quickly."
Fantasizing is clearly an important component to any sex life. So it's equally important that you get over any concerns you may have that a tendency to fantasize means there's something missing in reality.
Discussion
Maybe i'm weird but i've never had to fantasize to be with my wife. Shes just enough woman for me not to want any more. The thought of her or the sight of her is enoufgh to get me going and keep me there. Not knocking anyone dreaming of a porn star/actor/whatever but i just don't need it.
Fantasizing is normal, natural and important. As a marriage and family therapist for many years, I have seen that the critical issue with fantasy is for a couple to understand and respect their unique, individual "boundaries" in this area of their sexual life.
In my newly released little, inspirational book: "A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage," I include such behaviors as "quickies" and "sleeping naked" as important to the sexual and emotional health of a marriage. Take a look @ www.ashortguidetoahappymarriage.com
Just want to say I was so touch with the case of the 26 years old lady that had breast cancer.
Whatever the doctors say it is....it is still breast involve and you had a mastectomy. I hope that your boyfriend does not change in time....because right now God is using him for you to keep up with your hope, securities and all. The love he has for you is giving you strength ...because without that love you will feel devastated......something that is hard to cope . But do keep your spirits high. God did not put you in that position where you cannot handle it. You will be A-OK.
I also know how it feels to see someone with a big boobs and here I am ...none. But who cares.
At least we are alive and happy. Happiness is how we make our life to be.Forget about those sexual fantasies and whatever.....they just cause more confusion . Just do whatever you feel just
like the day before your mastectomy.....you fancy it that way, it's your own memory to keep with your boyfriend.To each our own, that is my philosophy. Just like the comment of the other lady on fantasies......for me.....let me be myself, whatever i feel will make me happy not because of what she said.
I just want to say that i am a normal person but sometimes i wonder if something is wrong with me.I visited your site today to find answers and i believe i did.I fantasize of making love to alot of different men while making love with my boyfriend.I will take your advice and keep it my little secret.
I just found this site today and have been reading many of the articles within. Wow. What a group of lonely, sad, depressing people you all are. It is people like you who make relationships more difficult by coming up with all this ridiculous garbage and having people actually fall for it. I doubt many of you will ever experience true love or anything even remotely similar. That is a sad thing. I can only come to the conclusion that the authors of most of these articles in here must have been seriously hurt in a relationship with someone at some point because you all seem so bitter and depressed.
I won't be back here.
I really appreciate the humor of the piece but I disagree with some of the commentary about fantasizing. Its one thing if my husband wants to fantasize that my boobs are bigger or my butt is tighter but its not OK with me for him to fantasize that he is having sex with someone else. If you are making love with your significant other, you should be involved body and soul; you can't do that if, in your mind, you are with a famous male athlete and in his mind, he's with a famous female porn star.
I love the beginning story line-hilarious! This fantasy is so true, I fantize all the time.
