It looks as if I won't have another baby. Not for medical reasons (though I'm on the downward slope of my fertility) and not for lack of a loving partner. Indeed, it's due to the ongoing excellence of my relationship with my boyfriend that I'm hesitant to press the baby issue—even though I count the days when I was pregnant with my daughter, now 14, as among the happiest of my life. I hold the unpopular opinion that having a baby doesn't necessarily bind a couple together in the way our romantic notion of family claims. The upheaval in a couple's life is seismic, and the notorious lack of a sound night's sleep is the least of it. Why Having Children May Wreck A Marriage
I don't mean to be curmudgeonly; I love babies as much as the next person. But their sheer existence doesn't necessarily spell bliss.
When my daughter was two, her father and I decided that our marriage had come to an end. This isn't uncommon. While many toddlers are patting the bunny, the relationship that created them is disintegrating.
The husband-now-father and wife-now-mother are so busy peering into the bassinet that they've forgotten to look at each other—and when they finally do, they've lost interest.
My daughter's father and I had met in film school. We'd been together more than a decade, yoked not unhappily to one another, compatriots in forging our careers. We were companions who split everything 50/50.
It was all good, if lacking passion. After our girl was born, the inevitable gender differences came—and yes, I'm sorry to report, they are inevitable. Like many fathers, my husband was sidelined until he could relate to our daughter as something more than a miraculous contraption specializing in moving milk through her tiny alimentary canal. Watch: Don't Let Kids Ruin Your Sex Life
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