Finding words during a massage or sex is easier for some people than others. Explore communicating your pleasure and wishes with your body movements, gestures and sounds. If your partner is doing something you love, tell them by moaning or sighing. Move your body into their touch. Use your hands and guide them in exactly the kind of touch you want - put your hands over theirs and show them what would feel good. Then, take your hands away and allow them to continue. Use hand gestures and agree ahead of time on what they mean - if you want more pressure, wave them forward. If you want to slow down, use a flat palm. This is a lot like helping someone parallel park - waving frantically means "Come on, you've got lots of space!" but a firm show of the palm means "Stop!" You can develop a whole language with your hands that can give one another very specific information without using a single word.
Whenever possible, offer positive feedback. Tell your partner what is feeling good and what they are doing well. "That feels good, could you do it a little softer?" This builds confidence and makes it easier to hear requests for change. If the only time you say anything is negative or demanding, your lover may lost patience. Thanking them and giving them positive feedback as much as you can, with your words, sounds, movements and gestures, will enhance your experience and make it easier for you both to hear the more challenging feedback. Also pay attention to how you phrase these requests - "I hate it when you tickle me like that!" feels really different to hear than "I really enjoy deeper pressure" or "Can you use a firmer stroke, my thighs are really sensitive right there."
Telling your lover what worked highly increases the chances of receiving that same touch in the future - it adds that move to the repetoire of pleasure that you can draw from again and again.
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