Stop Sabotaging That New Relationship: 4 Tips for a Drama-Free Courtship

By

Stop Sabotaging That New Relationship: 4 Tips for a Drama-Free Courtship

Even if he hasn’t considered whether he’s in love with you, he knows he loves your company. My advice at this point is to GO WITH IT. Try to think like a man and just enjoy the present.

3. DON'T MAKE HIM RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL OF YOUR NEEDS.
It’s not our fault. Society romanticizes the idea that it takes two halves of people coming together to make a whole. We’re conditioned to look for the person who “completes” us. We even refer to our loved ones as “my other half” – or worse – “my better half.”

The truth is, expecting that another human being can somehow fix us by filling a void within us is simply unfair. In reality the only way to feel whole is to complete ourselves by living a full and satisfying life.

Don’t let insecurity or low self-worth sabotage a relationship with real potential. If you are struggling with low self-esteem, make a commitment to work through these feelings with a counselor or use the self-esteem building tools in Dating Without Drama.

When you stop expecting your partner to be responsible for your happiness, you eliminate pressure and drama. A surprising bonus: without that pressure, most guys will freely and willingly do things to make you happy. It’s a win-win for everyone!

4. ACT RATIONALLY, DON'T REACT EMOTIONALLY.
Often, the things we have the urge to do or say in a moment of emotional weakness are NOT what we would choose to do or say when we’ve had some time to process our thoughts/feelings. We serve up a big dose of drama when we REACT emotionally to situations instead of taking a 5-minute “time out” to think things through and ACT rationally.

It takes practice, but if you learn to master the skill of putting your heart (emotions) on pause and checking in with your head (your intellect), you will spare yourself A LOT of the heartache that you’ve been experiencing by repeating the same simple mistakes.

"But waitaminute Paige..." you may be thinking. "These tips are all well and good, but why should we have to do all the work? Why can't men meet us halfway and learn to accept our nature as emotional women? They want a relationship too...why can't they make some of the effort?"

Because most men won't. They’re simply not thinking about everything and analyzing everything like we are. (As I mentioned in Tip #2, they’re too busy living in the moment!)

As frustrating as it may be, Mary, you can’t control the way men think and behave. But you DO have control over your own actions.

So don't despair! You don't have to play games, turn off your feelings or act like a robot to "lure" a man. When you make a commitment to date without drama, you're allowed to feel – and honor – all of your emotions just as you normally would, you'll just learn not to let yourself or your actions be controlled by them.

You'll make decisions and take action from a place of confidence, rather than weakness or desperation. You won't spend another night alone, crying or waiting by the phone. The feelings of neediness will disappear. You will get out of your own way and allow yourself to have a successful relationship.

I wish you all the best and please keep us posted on your online dating adventures!

-Paige

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular