50 Things You Should Try For Hotter Sex
ProConnect

Are You Dating Your Boyfriend For The Wrong Reasons?

By

Are You Dating Your Boyfriend For The Wrong Reasons?

 

“I love him, she thought, I’m just not in love with him and can’t. I don’t love him. I’ve tried. I’ve strained to love him but I can’t. I am building a life with a man I don’t love, and I don’t know what to do about it.” Emma Morley, from the novel One Day by David Nicholls.

More from YourTango: Are you letting your boyfriend treat you with less respect and consideration than your friends do?

Have you ever felt this way? These five sentences describe so perfectly what it feels like to be dating someone who you know, deep down, is not right for you. After talking to hundreds of women who married the wrong guy, they often cite something like “He was a nice guy, but I wasn’t in love with him” as the reason for their ill-fated wedding. Before we get inundated with emails from all the nice guys accusing women of only loving “jerks,” please hear us out.

All too often women will remain in a relationship when it doesn’t feel right because they think they should like him. He’s considerate. He’s trustworthy. He’s respectful….yet…something is missing. Like Emma Morley, they “strain to like him.” And they feel guilty about it. But the real problem is the fact that there are important ingredients lacking in the relationship. And while others might encourage you to overlook these things, or to settle, we disagree.

Suzie dated a nice guy for months, but she couldn’t pinpoint what was wrong. In hindsight she understood what was missing. “Passion! Ambition! Challenge! Chemistry! Whatever you want to call it. It just wasn't a very inspiring relationship,” she says.

Maria struggled with a lack of chemistry, too. “At first, I was attracted to him. On paper, he was perfect but there was no zsa zsa zuu (as Carrie Bradshaw would put it). I wanted to like him, but I didn’t feel that strong connection and more importantly, I didn’t feel the butterflies. And the worst thing about it was that there was ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH HIM!”

While the early feelings of excitement and butterflies might fade, authentic chemistry remains. And it’s important. What else do you need besides chemistry to ensure a relationship with a nice guy is more than just “good enough?”

More from YourTango: How to tell your friend she's dating the wrong guy: 5 simple steps

Alicia weighs in on her ex- boyfriend: “I had a college sweetheart who was very, very nice. In addition to his sincere niceness, he was also quite passive and wimpy. He loved me dearly; but, I knew if we had married his passivity would have made me nuts and I would run the risk of being domineering in our marriage. I wanted a healthier relationship, so we broke up. When he married a few years later, he and his wife also relocated to the city I was living and they stayed a few years. As fate would have it, the very dynamic I feared for us plagued his marriage. He's passive; she's a 'super sea hag;' and, they have had trouble throughout their entire married life.” Alicia’s gut feelings were right on target. A nice( but passive and wimpy) guy was not what she wanted. Fortunately she found the courage to break it off. Far too many women remain stuck with the wrong guys and spend months—even years—in dead-end relationships. Most women agree that it’s harder to break up with a nice guy than a jerk.

Keep reading...

More Juicy Content From YourTango:

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Recent Expert Posts
Staying Dry

Letting Go Is Hard To Do

Healing your heart after divorce or loss of a spouse is worth the effort. Letting go is hard to do.

cozy up

Showing Love Through Touch

Touch is so incredibly important in relationships.

happiest

Listen Up, Darling: A Sex Kitten Is Never Hangry or Tired

Recently I shared eight surprising traits of a sex kitten. Each of those traits are ones that ...

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS