Pop quiz! Answer TRUE or FALSE:
1. I often find myself attracted to "bad boys," "jerks" and "players."
2. I spend a lot of my time trying to make my boyfriend happy.
3. If I am upset about something in my relationship, I often dismiss my feelings to avoid a conflict.
4. The men I date tend to be bossy and controlling, and get angry when I don't do what they want me to do.
5. I apologize even when I know I'm not at fault.
6. If my boyfriend is mad at me, I can't think about anything else until we resolve the argument.
7. I love how great it feels to make up after a fight, like I have a fresh start to be a better girlfriend.
8. My boyfriend and I have a cyclical relationship: things are going well, then out of the blue he gets angry at me, I apologize and do everything in my power to make it up to him, then we make up, and the cycle starts all over again.
9. My feelings of self-worth seem to fluctuate based on how my boyfriend is treating me.
10. I know that I should just date a "nice guy," but I worry that I'd be bored without the excitement that comes from a dramatic relationship.
If you answered “TRUE” to one or more of the above, then you may be addicted to dating drama.
In my experience as a dating coach, I’ve found that dramatic behavior in relationships is quite common. The good news is that this addiction can effectively be broken by building your self-esteem.
Take, for example, a woman named Lorelai from the Dating Without Drama community. After suffering through a string of long-term, emotionally abusive relationships, she decided to take a break, learn the lessons from her past, and build her self-confidence. Not surprisingly, she soon met a wonderful man who treats her with love and respect.
And they lived happily ever after? Not quite.
You see, after years of emotional drama being her “normal,” Lorelai feels like something is missing in her healthy, stable relationship.
The first thing I want to acknowledge about Lorelai’s story is how courageous it is to end an abusive relationship. The cycle of abuse can be all-consuming, so it takes an amazing amount of strength to break free and seek a healthier way of life. I also applaud Lorelai’s decision to take some time for herself to process - and learn from - her past.
When your self-esteem and self-respect is low, you will naturally attract (and be attracted TO) emotionally abusive types. The opposite is true when you feel good about who you are and truly believe that you're worthy of a loving, healthy relationship. Given that fact, it’s no coincidence that once Lorelai regained her self-respect, a quality man came into her life.
The problem for drama addicts is that once they meet a worthy partner, they can't seem to enjoy the relationship fully.