Moms Of Autistic Children Face Backlash After Saying That Autism Is Not A 'Blessing'
While they love their children unconditionally, they do not love the struggles they have to endure.
TikTok / Instagram One mother is fed up after being told by strangers that her child with autism is a “blessing” whenever she vents her frustrations, and she’s not the only one.
Many parents of children with disabilities have come forward encouraging people who are unaware of what the harsh reality consists of to stop telling them that their children’s struggles are a “blessing.”
Some mothers of children with autism have explained why they think calling autism a blessing is 'harmful.'
Recent years have seen a spike in the prevalence of children with autism spectrum disorder in the US. CDC data revealed that one out of every 36 children was diagnosed with autism in 2020. While having a child with autism has become more prevalent, some mothers are coming forward to explain why this does not make life any easier for them or their children.
One mother is shedding light on the incredibly challenging situation of parenting a child with autism, despite others, even some who have autism themselves, telling her that her child is a “blessing” and that her honesty about her struggles is harmful to her children.
“Your experience in life is nothing like my kid’s, so you don’t get to speak for him or say that calling autism ‘not a blessing’ is problematic,” says Jen Olney, whose son is severely autistic.
Olney claims that her son’s autism prevents him from keeping himself safe since he cannot understand basic concepts, including waiting until cars pass to cross the street and touching germ-infested surfaces.
While she acknowledges that everyone’s experience with autism is different and may be easier for others, it does not discredit those who have been significantly affected by it.
“If autism is a blessing for you, I’m so happy for you. That’s great,” Olney says. “You are not profoundly affected… you don’t know anything about the struggles that my son faces because of autism and the struggles that our entire family faces because of autism.”
Although Olney believes that autism has not been a “blessing” for herself, her family, and her son, she does share that there is “beauty” throughout the entire journey that has made the experience bearable. She and her partner have learned a lot and claim to have become even better parents because of it.
Still, they wish that their son did not have to endure the challenges he does due to autism and do not believe that it is a blessing.
Other parents have agreed that 'it’s sad when people say autism is a blessing.'
Olney is not the only parent of an autistic child who feels this way. Others responded with their own videos detailing their daily lives parenting children with autism.
“I love my daughter more than anything in the world, but I don’t love her disability,” a mother named Audrey shares. “It is so incredibly harmful to go around telling parents or caregivers of severely disabled children that they need to accept their disability as a blessing.”
Audrey reveals that her 16-year-old daughter requires 24-hour care, cannot verbally communicate her needs, and needs assistance with every basic task. She admits that if she had the power to take away her daughter’s autism, she would, and that any other parents who have children with severe disabilities would do the same.
“Autism is not a blessing, it’s an obstruction,” another mother shared in a video of her son with autism. “I love Abu, not autism. Autism robbed our child’s normal life. It’s sad when people say autism is a blessing. It’s not. Our child is a blessing.”
While many parents could relate to each other’s struggles raising children with autism, some people believed that their comments about autism not being a blessing were offensive to those in the autism community and anyone who has a disability.
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Some TikTok users who have disabilities slammed those who made negative comments about how their children’s disabilities impact their lives.
“This is why a lot of disabled people say that they don’t really like parents of disabled children,” says Cassidy Huff, who claims that her disability is an important part of who she is. She responded to a video posted by "@joy_with_autism" who also alleged that her son’s autism was not a blessing. “If I heard my mom say this about me, I’d be absolutely crushed and heartbroken.”
“I’m not saying that my disability has made my life easier, but I am saying that it is because of my disability that I know the people that I know, that I’ve had the experiences that I’ve had, and that I am the person that I am today.”
Some TikTok users agreed with Huff's remarks. "If I heard any parents say this about their child I'd be speechless. That is your child," one user commented. "They imply that it is a curse and that the disability can be separated from the person, which it cannot," another user shared.
Other TikTok users believed that while parents of children with disabilities were entitled to their opinions about it, they should not be sharing their thoughts on public platforms and encouraged them to seek therapy.
While it is true for many parents that raising children with autism, or any disability is difficult, it is important to note that the experience is different among families. Some might believe that it is easy and refer to it as a “blessing,” while others may argue that their child themselves is indeed a blessing, but their disabilities are not and have only hindered their lives.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.