Widower Accused Of Being Insensitive After Excluding His In-Laws From An 'Important Family Tradition' He Only Does With His Kids
Everything was fine... until his son-in-law came along.
Krakenimages.com / Shutterstock The holiday season is a time chock-full of family traditions, some are closer to our hearts than others. One man is struggling to make his extended family understand why one of his traditions needs to stay just between him and his children.
A widower asked for advice after his son-in-law got upset because he wasn’t included in the family’s Christmas Eve tradition.
An anonymous man on Reddit explained the touching tradition he and his children do each Christmas Eve. “My wife passed when my youngest was born,” he wrote. “We live in walking distance to where she was buried and every Christmas Eve we will walk to her grave and put a flower on her tomb. It literally takes 20 minutes at most and is something my kids and I hold dear.”
Although this sounds like a nice way to spend Christmas Eve with his children, it has caused contention with his in-laws.
At first, everything was fine. It even led to the beginning of a new tradition.
“When my son married we all had a conversation and agreed that we will keep it [a] private tradition," he wrote. "My [daughter-in-law] understood and just chilled at the home when we went on our walk. She started to make hot cocoa for when we get back and now that is a little tradition.”
All of that changed when his daughter got married and brought a new member into the family. “The issue is my [son-in-law],” the man said. “I got a call [from him] asking me why I am not family to him and that he needs to go to this tradition. I told him he is family but this is a private moment. He called me a jerk and told everyone I [was] excluding him.”
It would have been bad enough for the man’s son-in-law to feel this way, but he even turned his daughter-in-law on him too. “Now my [daughter-in-law] is in on it and she wants to go. [She said] that they are family so I need to let them go.”
After the contention, the whole family was left in disarray. The man said, “My kids are mad at their partners and I am wondering if the family is a jerk for keeping them out.”
Reddit users overwhelmingly took the widower’s side.
While the man was concerned about his potential status as a “jerk,” commenters assured him he was not. “You get to choose how you want to remember your late wife,” one person said. “Can’t people just have things for themselves?” another asked.
One person even wondered why this was an issue at all. “Why in the world would anyone fight for the chance to go visit the grave of someone they don’t even know?” they questioned.
Photo: Jacob Lund / Shutterstock
Fortunately, this story had a happy ending.
The widower posted an update explaining that his family had worked everything out. For her part, his daughter-in-law thought that they were being left out of a “gift exchange/ski trip,” not the graveside tradition. “She is fine with the tradition and enjoys the hot cocoa tradition.”
The situation was handled involving his son-in-law as well.
“My daughter called me and told me she handled it,” he said. “She made it very clear she doesn’t want him at the event. I also contacted the rest of my kids and asked their opinion and all of them are okay with still keeping it with just us.”
It’s important to remember, not only during the holidays, that some lines shouldn’t be crossed. The pain of losing a mother and wife is something that never goes away, and this family's in-laws should respect their need to honor her in private.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news and human interest topics.