Mother-In-Law Is Called A ‘Selfish Boomer’ After Saying No To Watching Her Grandkids For 10 Days
Is she being unreasonable?
Fizkes / Shutterstock Vacations are never easy to plan, especially when kids are involved. So, it’s no surprise that one mom on TikTok was more than excited to embark on a planned trip without her kids. Relaxation, peace, and quiet were on the horizon, with only one task between her and her getaway — a babysitter.
Assuming that her mother-in-law would watch her kids over the 10-day trip, she wasn’t worried until she actually asked her — only for the mother-in-law to refuse.
Stuck without a babysitter during her vacation, this woman attacked her ‘selfish’ mother-in-law for refusing to watch her kids.
The mom’s frustration and criticism sparked discourse over the grandparent's role as a sitter. Should grandparents be automatically obligated to help care for their grandchildren? People were split. Some agreed it was their responsibility while others shamelessly disagreed, arguing that they had lives of their own.
Previously hoping to move closer to their parents, this mom wondered ‘what the point is’ if her mother-in-law refused to watch the kids.
“She said, ‘You have to move closer to me so that I can watch your kids. Then maybe I can actually help you,’” the TikTok mom recalled from her conversation with her mother-in-law.
As their family currently lives several states away, they discussed making a move to spend more time together and to get help with care for their children. Frustrated and confused, the mom asked viewers how she could trust her mother-in-law would help after the move given she was not helping enough now. “Why would I move closer?”
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Many comments argued against the mother’s criticism of calling her mother-in-law selfish. “You sound like a brat. If you have kids YOU make the sacrifice and don’t take a 10 day trip if you can’t find someone to watch the kids. Sorry!” While others hoped the mom was merely making a joke.
Many grandparents in today’s world are not as willing (or able) to provide care to young grandchildren.
According to a report by the Census Bureau, many modern parents are waiting much longer than older generations to have children and because of this delay, baby boomers are becoming grandparents much later in life making it difficult for them to willingly give up travel, vacations, and rest for childcare. So while modern parents might look back at the many hours they spent with their grandparents and resent their parents for not doing the same, the reality of childcare and parenthood today truly can’t be compared.
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Many young families today struggle with childcare at large and it only continues to grow more unattainable and expensive.
Many of the comments that disagreed with this mom reminded her that not all parents had family members who were willing to watch their children (even on an inconsistent basis). Almost 42% of working families rely on a grandparent for childcare. However, the remaining half outsource to daycares, schools, or babysitters with rising fees.
With the average family spending around $10,000 per child annually on childcare, having help to offset that cost with a family member or grandparent is a huge advantage. States like Wisconsin exemplify just what the childcare burden looks like with many families paying more for childcare than they would for a college degree.
Grandparents who can help with childcare are a huge privilege.
Whether it be childcare during the work week or picking up a child from school in an emergency, there are a million different reasons why having active grandparents can be a blessing for parents.
While this TikTok mom debated moving closer to her mother-in-law for help, other commenters were lamenting their reality without extra help. On TikTok, a woman named Paige reminds her viewers of the “advantage” of these families.
While some mothers have the gift of a grandparent giving care, others are forced to leave the workforce, accept jobs they’re underqualified for to get flexibility or sacrifice non-essential costs to fund outsourced childcare.
“I don’t expect grandparents to provide childcare,” she empathetically reminded viewers, “but, I’d like to remind the greater community to acknowledge that when you do have access to this [grandparents’ care] you have a financial leg-up on your peers with children.”
So, while it might be frustrating to get inconsistent care from a family member you rely on it's important to remember that it offers a financial advantage over many other families.
With healthy communication, grandparents shouldn’t have to feel "selfish" when they set boundaries with their children and they also deserve to have a break.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a news and entertainment writer at YourTango focusing on pop culture analysis and human interest stories.