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Happy Holidays, Indeed: How To Avoid Fights With In-Laws

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happy family holidays in-laws
Say cheese!
4 tips for avoiding conflict with your extended family during the holidays.

Many people experience difficulties with their in-laws when the holidays roll around. Why are the in-law relationships so difficult? While some would suggest it's pure jealousy, I think it's more complex.

Generally, we meet our in-laws when we are already adults, so we are accustomed to adult-adult communication which includes acceptance of differences. However, to in-laws, we are on the same social level as their child. Tied to a spouse, we are put back in the position of being a "kid." In-laws might believe they can control, persuade, evaluate, judge and "educate" us as if we were their children.

More from YourTango: Three Reasons We Receive Mixed Signals and One Way To Handle Them

If they use manipulative tactics to control their own children—and very few don't—we easily enter a holiday minefield. One nasty comment here, one guilt trip there and the celebration of blessings turns into an avoidance of explosion. Our biological impulse is to react with either flight or fight when we feel attacked.

Fortunately, there is another option available to us: assertive communication, meaning that you stand up for your rights in a way that doesn't violate others. Characteristically, it is a calm, peaceful, determined attitude, confirmed by unambiguous body language.

Keeping that all in mind, here are four steps useful for handling tense, in-law situations:

More from YourTango: 6 Common Forms Of Manipulation

1. Consider what's going on behind the scenes. When your in-laws drive you crazy, try to understand what is going on behind the scenes. Is the put-down supposed to put you on the defensive and provoke an action from you? Is the labeling motivating you to prove the opposite? Does the discrepancy come from a completely different priority system?

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Zita Fekete

Counselor/Therapist

Counselor/Therapist

I am more than happy to help figuring out the causes of relationship problems. I am especially devoted to support you to gain clarity and teach practical-behavioral tools if you are struggling with manipulative partner.

Click here to get a FREE VIDEO SERIES about Emotional Manipulation.

Sign up for Short Affordable Online Training to Reveal and Override Emotional Manipulation.

Connect with me through my Newsletter.

Please feel free to send me an Email if you have question about my services!

Zita

zita@soundsoulcounseling.com

 

Location: Mukilteo, WA

Credentials: MA Psychologist, Budapest, ABD PhD. Ethologist, Budapest, Licensed Mental Health Counselor WA

Specialty: Emotional Manipulation, Relationship Issues

 

@FeketeZita

Sound Soul Counseling Website

Sound Soul Counseling Blog

From Strings To Wings - Training, Video, Q&A about Emotional Manipulation

Location: Mukilteo, WA
Credentials: LMHC, MA
Other Articles/News by Zita Fekete:

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