Stop Playing The Blame Game


Stop Playing The Blame Game
Why do you feel the need to blame anyone? What good is it doing?

Deep inside ourselves, our organs, our muscles, and our cells, there is a reflex, a pattern, an old way of being in the world. This reflex is the tendency to attack or blame someone when something happens that we don't like or when we think we have done something wrong. You only have to observe kids at the playground to see this tendency in action. "It's his fault, no it's your fault. It's her fault, it's not fair. I didn't do anything!"

This tendency to blame is so pervasive that we often don't even notice it is happening. We may even think it is worthwhile or normal to want to find the "culprit." Many of us on the spiritual path may even think we need to blame ourselves as that means we are "taking responsibility" for our actions and can thus grow from the experience.


But what if there is another way, an alternative? What if, instead of needing to blame anyone or anything, we ask ourselves a question or we meet the experience with a sense of curiosity. In doing so, I'd give myself an opportunity, the space I need to let myself feel into the experience, thus allowing emotions and insights to arise to the surface without judgement.

In the classic book, Nonviolent Communication, Dr. Rosenberg discusses that blaming is, in fact, a subtle form of anger and serves in a sense to punish. If we are blaming, then there is a good chance that there is a lack of compassion or empathy for the situation. We may also be shielding ourselves from deeper emotions such as sadness or disappointment.

I have come to understand that blaming or shrouding ourselves serves little purpose except to act as a defense to what may actually be occurring. When we drop the need to blame, fix or control a situation, our experience of life becomes lighter giving way to an opportunity to surrender and discover the clarity that one might need to help to make our situation better or our relationships smoother.

Are you ready to experience life with a greater sense of ease and joy? Then let go of blaming anyone. Yes that includes you, the government, your children, and your spouse. Just surrender to the experience, feel all your emotions that arise and from that place of spaciousness, ask for guidance, take your next step, connect with the truth...create from joy.

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Vivianne Bentley


Vivianne Bentley, Ph.D., OPQ

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Location: Westmount, QC, Canada
Credentials: PhD
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