In Your Relationships: Have You Been Naughty or Nice?

You may think you deserve Santa's favor this year for being a good girl, but if you've dated men that treated you badly or you're presently involved with one, to the contrary of what you believe, you've been naughty and not nice.

If you're not attracted to or dating nice guys, it means there's a part of you that's naughty -- a part that wants to create drama and suffering in your life. I know that sounds harsh but in truth the men you get involved with will always be a reflection of you -- you're the one that chooses to be with them. If you're not attracting the nice guys and keep getting stuck with bad boys time and again, it's because at some level these men are a match to you. At least for the moment.

More from YourTango: Lonely Isn't A Four Letter Word

If you're with a naughty man you're probably approaching the holiday full of anger and resentment that he's not treating you with respect or paying enough attention to your needs. You already know you'll be getting a present that reflects a half-hearted effort on his part, while you've put great attention into finding the perfect gift for him. You may find yourself complaining to friends and telling yourself that you deserve so much better! But do you really?

If you've put up with a man's bad behavior for the last year then it's time for you to reassess the kind of woman you want to be. You're half of the couple, and a naughty man can't do it by himself. You have all the power to choose to be naughty or nice in your relationships and to yourself.

So what's the problem with attracting and being with a good man, a nice guy?

Well for one, describing a man as "nice" is not considered much of a compliment. It's like saying a man is "interesting." It usually means you think he's only OK, but nothing special. There are a lot of great guys who get labeled as nice and really suffer for it. They understand that when a woman calls them "nice" it's just another way of saying they're "not hot." I must confess that in my past I had the same attitude toward men; It was only after being with a man who was downright cruel to me that I realized that nice in a man is really sexy.

This is the perfect time of year to challenge your disregard of nice guys and to begin to want more nice for yourself. To re-consider the value you place on kindness from others and towards yourself.

You can begin by being nicer to yourself; that will change everything. You'll soon be kicking the naughty guys to the curb and looking for the nice guys around you. They are there, I promise.

When you do this, you'll be increasing your chances for lasting love one hundred fold.

More from YourTango: Beware: An Internet Dating Horror Story

Without kindness there can be no love -- ask any happy couple. The glue that holds them together is how they treat each other. Kindness has to be present for love to grow and deepen.

Don't spend another year being naughty and missing out on all the joy of the season. It's time to be nice and have the love you deserve it's the best gift that Santa could bring.