If your first date with a man is only mildly interesting and leaves you feeling rather blah, you may be tempted to write him off and move on. Beware: this might be a dating mistake that could affect the rest of your life.
First dates are deceiving. You may decide within the first 10 minutes of meeting someone that you’re not attracted to him and that will color your perception of him for the entire evening. Once you’ve told yourself, “I don’t feel that spark,” your mind could close to the possibility of it ever being kindled.
More from YourTango: Single And Dreading The Holidays? Here's The Cure
Since most men and women are looking for instant sexual attraction on the first date, if it’s not there, a second date is out of the question. Without that “special feeling,” you see no reason to see him again.
But there’s something you need to know. It’s been found that about 75% of married women say they married a man who was not their “type.” Now think about that. A man who’s your type turns you on, he’s the man that you spot across a crowded room and are drawn to without being able to help yourself.
That means that if these women married men that they normally wouldn’t be interested in, at some point in the dating process the man became their type. Over time they developed a physical attraction to a man who they normally wouldn’t consider a good match.
What does that mean for you? It means that physical chemistry should not be your main criteria for deciding if you should go on a second date. And despite what you may believe, attraction can change.
On a first date you’re more inclined to be looking for the qualities that usually impress you and these tend to be the more superficial ones. Let’s face it, charm and humor stand out when you first meet a man, but honesty and integrity can’t be seen.
On top of that, if a man gets the message that you’re disappointed with him or that you don’t like what you see (and this is hard to hide) he’ll become uncomfortable and withdrawn. He won’t be at his best because none of us are good at handling rejection. Your lack of interest will totally change the way he behaves so that you’ll know even less about who he really is.
If a man is just OK and definitely not a jerk, only good can come of going on a second date. You owe it to yourself and to him to give it another chance so you can have the experience of getting past the initial awkwardness.
More from YourTango: Do You Know How To Be A Good Girlfriend?
Without the craziness of intense sexual attraction, you will get to know him better and begin to see his true colors and the qualities that make him a real person.
If he is a man who, despite your lack of enthusiasm, has said he wants to see you again, you should take it as a sign. It’s a sign you’re being given a second chance, a chance to know if he just may be your type after all.