The secret quality you need to take your relationship from dating to true love.
There's a little known secret that will increase your chances of having a successful relationship; a secret that will help you go from just dating a man to having him turn into the love of your life. It's not often talked about because this secret is not something you'd consider sexy or exciting; in fact it's the exact opposite. But if you can cultivate it, you're going to find that dating will be much easier and more fun. You'll be able to get a good boyfriend and he'll stick around.
The secret I'm referring to is patience. It's one of the hardest qualities to embrace, yet it's essential to having a lasting relationship. Patience is defined as, "the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble or suffering without getting angry or upset." Without it love can't grow in a natural and healthy way, yet for most of us, it seems impossible where dating is concerned.
Let's face it, we're not happy waiting for anything. We have a short fuse when we're not getting what we want fast enough. We've all given a postal clerk dirty looks for taking too much with the customer ahead of us. And let's not even think about how we react to a slow driver ahead of us when we're on the road.
It turns out we behave the same way when we're dating. The instant accessibility of the Internet has given us the expectation that attraction should happen quickly. We make all sorts of assumptions about a man after exchanging a few emails or texts. We think we know enough about him from his profile and photo to determine if he's good boyfriend material.
If he passes that test and we decide to date him, we want to know everything about him instantly. We need to make a quick decision, is this man right for me? We look for a sign, a guarantee; after all we don't want to waste our time. This idea of not wasting time on the wrong man will hurt our chances for finding love. The instant judgments we make about a man can cause us to overlook a really good boyfriend. All this because we need to know everything right now.
Our lack of patience doesn't end there. Once we've decided we have a potential partner and start dating him, we then want things to progress according to our plan. We have an inner timetable that tells us what should be happening in the relationship and when. We've decided on a designated amount of time we'll tolerate before we get the first kiss, have sex and get the marriage proposal. All this because we're in such a hurry to have our relationships defined and wrapped in a neat little box.
This is how a lack of patience kills spontaneity and imposes outside restraints on love that will stop it in its tracks. It's time we throw out the inner rules we've set up that determine the flow of our relationships. This is the only way to find the love you're looking for.
I know this for a fact. It took my boyfriend 5 years to propose to me. According to the timetable we've been given by experts, I should have broken up with him after the first year and walked away. But all that time I just knew he was "the one" and I trusted myself and the timing of our relationship was unfolding. I've now been happily married to him for 13 years, something I would have missed out on if I hadn't been patient.
With patience you can enjoy the connection you have with a man and let it develop naturally without undue pressure. When you're looking for a good boyfriend you have to slow down and "smell the roses." After all, we can only truly know someone over time. Throw away your agenda. Allow your relationships to unfold naturally.
More dating coach advice on YourTango:
- 8 Modern Dating Rules Every Single Should Know
- Dating After Divorce? 3 Pitfalls To Avoid
- The Best Dating Advice On YourTango