After a breakup, particularly one you didn't initiate, you may find your confidence crushed. Your mind jumps from being rejected by one man to all the men who ever left you in the past and all the men you think will ever leave you in the future. You blow up this one breakup into meaning the end of love in your life forever. If this is you, you're not alone. Many women, including myself, have felt the deep devastation of a breakup and felt it was the end of the world.
Unless you have great self-esteem, the time after a breakup brings out your biggest doubts: Was I sexy enough? Why wasn't I enough for him?
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A great way to help you get out of pain of self-judgment is to pay attention to your physical body. Yes, really!
After a breakup you're looking for a reason and it's hard to get the painful thoughts out of your head. The quickest way to stop your negative thinking is to interrupt it by moving your attention from your mind into your body. Awareness of your body is grounding and in most cases it will bring you "back to yourself."
Here are three great ways to get your sexy back:
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- Dance your ass off: Dancing is therapeutic and makes the endorphins flow. Do it at home where you can dance with abandon because no one is watching. Put on the favorite music of your youth and let go, just like Tom Cruise in "Risky Business." Or go out to dance. Western dancing is great because they're a lot of men who come alone and it's natural to change partners. If it's your first time, there's always someone who will want to teach you. Go to a dance club; women today dance by themselves or with each other without self-consciousness. Dancing forces you to shut your mind down and listen to the beat of the music. Dancing is sexy; it's a right brain activity that is good for your body and soul.
- Get your body touched: I can't say too much about the benefits of a good massage. After a breakup you'll most likely miss human touch. There's no one who touches your body intimately except your lover...or a masseuse! I know some people don't like full body massages. If that's you, you can try just having a Oriental foot massage. If that idea still bothers you, go for a reflexology treatment. This is a therapeutic healing technique that works with your feet and hands but in a very gentle way. Having your body touched in a non-sexual way will help you get back in touch with your sexy in a non-sexual way.
- Get yourself buffed and fluffed: I know after a breakup you don't feel particularly attractive, so it's a great time to get beautiful. Don't do what I did when I was 27. I went through an awful breakup and because I blamed myself, I cut off all my hair. Instead of making myself look better, I hated my new look and it took a year before my hair looked good again. Go for facial, mani-pedi or get your colors done. Fight the urge to hide out in your PJs and do something to improve your sense of yourself.
Getting your sexy back after a breakup is the best revenge!
You may feel devastated and doomed to never love again, but you can probably imagine having sex. Getting your sexy back is great medicine for what ails you.