If you're a single woman over 25, you've been fed a bill of goods about "how to find a man". You've been told that if you want to find Mr. Right, you need get out there and date. More importantly, you need to date all the time.
Unfortunately, our culture reinforces this idea. It's based on the belief that dating, like everything else, is a numbers game—the more men you date, the better your chances for meeting your perfect partner.
But the idea of "the more the merrier" isn't a good rule to follow, especially when it comes to meeting men. Like overeating, over-dating is bad for you. Let's face it, it's hard enough being single, but do you really need the added pressure of thinking you should constantly be going out with men?
If you're an "over-dater," you've bought into the belief that it's better to do something than do nothing. You may even believe that the time you spend not dating is time wasted. But let me tell you—that's no way to live.
Think you need a dating diet? Here's how to tell:
1. You date for the sake of dating. If this is you, you're going out with men who aren't right for you, and they're probably not good for you either. You spend your valuable time with men you have nothing in common with.
When you date indiscriminately just for the sake of dating, it's dangerous for your heart (and, sometimes, your body). It makes it all too easy for you to fall for the wrong guy just because he's there. You waste valuable time and energy on relationships already doomed to fail.
2. You're afraid of being alone. When it comes to over-dating, fear of being alone is a big motivator. It keeps you constantly seeking male companionship and settling for quantity over quality. If you don't overcome your fear you will sabotage your love life.
You'll feel desperate for male attention and too needy to enforce healthy boundaries. You end up over-dating to keep yourself distracted and save yourself from the loneliness of your own company.
3. You treat dating like work. Do you schedule three coffee dates in a day for the sake of efficiency? You may think men won't know what's going on, but they'll sense they're not getting your full attention. How could they? When you're with number one, you'll be worrying about number two, and by number three you'll be totally distracted trying to keep them straight in you mind.
When you stack dates together, like seeing multiple men over a weekend, you can't be fully present with any of them. Your mind is not built for compartmentalization. It takes focus and attention to spend quality time with a man. Packing too many interactions into a short period of time makes each encounter feel more like a business meeting than a date.
Dating is important. You don't want to just sit home and wait for Mr. Right to knock on the door, but healthy dating requires striking a balance between action and inaction. Finding love is not a numbers game; it's about quality and presence rather than quantity.
If you're over-dating, don't be afraid to go on a dating diet. Stop filling yourself up with low-quality dates that will never go anywhere. Take your time and carefully pick a quality man who will satisfy you and not leave you hungry for more.
Virginia Clark is a relationship coach for single women at It's Never Too Late To Marry. Contact her and apply for a complimentary "Attract the Love of Your Life Breakthrough" session.