Are You Settling For Less Than You Deserve?

By

Relationship Questions: How To Be Happy & Find The One
There's a big difference between being accommodating and ignoring your needs.

Being single can be frustrating. It can make us feel lonely and sad as we watch our friends pair up and settle down. It might make us feel hopeless and wonder if it will ever be our turn. But that's no reason to settle for a relationship that isn't giving what you want or what you deserve.

Settling for less is an epidemic with women. We will settle for less than we deserve in our careers, in our friendships, and most importantly, in our relationships. It happens so often when we're dating, and this inevitably results in too much time and energy spent on the wrong man. We end up feeling unsatisfied and far from the way we expected love to feel.

 

Why do we settle for less? It starts young. As children most of us were instilled with the sense that we're not good enough; that somehow we're not worthy of having what we want most: someone to love us. These beliefs create a deep fear in us as adults—fear that we'll end up loveless and  doomed to die alone. Fear makes us lower our standards and accept whatever a man is willing to give, even if it's much less than we deserve.

How do we know that we're settling for less? It's simple. If the love we're experiencing doesn't feel good, we're not getting what we should. Too often we get accustomed to our relationships not feeling right. We become immune to the drama, the pain. We don't recognize that we don't feel safe or respected. We don't know what we're missing because we've never had it. So feeling bad in love ends up feeling normal.

There's a song by The Everly Brothers called "Love Hurts", which strikes a chord for many. We believe that pain is the price we pay for loving someone. It seems romantic, but it's really a lie. What should hurt is rejection, being disrespected, or being taken for granted.

Love actually feels happy, fulfilling, and satisfying. Love heals us. True love is one of life's greatest pleasures. So if we're not feeling that way, we're settling for less than we deserve.

What does settling for less in love look like? Here are some major mistakes we make when we're looking for love:

  1. We don't take time to find "The One." In our sense of urgency to find love we grab the man who seems available now. Common sense and good judgment fly out the window as we try to make him fit our image of "Mr. Right". We make excuses for his bad behavior. For example, because he's busy we allow him to be aloof and unavailable. Because he's afraid of commitment, we work extra hard for him to trust and accept us. Because he has intimacy issues we accept that he can't love us fully or as much as we love him.
  2. We lower our standards. We all want romance, to be wooed, and pursued. But often, we end up doing the chasing, feeling more like his buddy than his girlfriend. We make the lack of attention and care OK when it's not. For example, when he wants to hang out and not go out. When he doesn't call on time. When his future plans never materialize.
  3. We lose ourselves keeping him happy. How often have we walked on eggshells, afraid to disturb his "moods"? How often have we not asked for what we want because we'll seem too demanding? How often have we neglected our boundaries to keep the peace? We go out of our way to make things easy, and in the process lose our self-respect and destroy our confidence.

So how do we stop settling for less than we deserve? By appreciating ourselves as the wonderful women we are. By knowing our value and our worth as women. By honoring ourselves in our relationships with men. Only then can we have the love we've always dreamed of, the love we deserve.

If you'd like to acquire some powerful tools to help you re-claim your self-worth so you finally find your real "Mr. Right," connect with me on my website: www.itsnevertoolatetomarry.com.

More relationship questions from YourTango:

Article contributed by

Virginia Clark

Relationship Coach

My book,  "It's Never Too Late To Marry: How to Have the Man and the Marriage of Your Dreams" is available for instant download. It will teach you the 6 essential steps you need to go from single to married to the right man for you!

Join my email community and recieve my free MP3 "Letting Love In."

Apply for your complimentary "Attract the Love of Your Life Breakthrough Session."

 

Location: Phoenix, AZ
Credentials: CHT
Other Articles/News by Virginia Clark:

Warning: If Your Man Does These 3 Things, Do NOT Marry Him!

By

You might think you've found the man you want to marry and now it's just a matter of making it happen. Whether you have a specific man in mind, or if Mr. Right hasn't shown up yet, I would like you to take into account the "3 A's" before committing to marriage. I learned the 3 A's from a therapist friend of mine many years ago. ... Read more

Do You Date TOO Much? 3 Signs It's Time To Go On A Dating DIET

By

If you're a single woman over 25, you've been fed a bill of goods about "how to find a man". You've been told that if you want to find Mr. Right, you need get out there and date. More importantly, you need to date all the time. Unfortunately, our culture reinforces this idea. It's based on the belief that dating, like ... Read more

The Secret To Attracting Love Is To Be Yourself (Yes, Really!)

By

To attract true love, being your authentic self is an absolute necessity; but ... it's not easy. You try for living with authenticity, but you slowly end up becoming the person you think appeals to others. When dating, you subconsciously take on the qualities you think a man wants you to have. This happens without you being aware, making it hard for ... Read more

See More

 
My Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular