One of the most common complaints that I hear from women about their male lovers is that they are just too genitally focused. It’s clear to me that many women want their men to make love more from the heart during sexual play. Many women use the term “sexual intimacy” to describe what they are looking for in sex. Sexual intimacy stimulates passion. Women seek a soulful experience in sexual love that relates to the heart as well as the genitals. Their craving for it is so deep that its absence insures her dissatisfaction at a deep, primal level. No matter how many stimulating tricks a man employs in sex, no matter how accomplished a lover he may be, unless heartfelt love is present a woman will never feel satisfied to the core, and despite what some men may claim neither will they.
On some level we all know this. Sex without love is one-dimensional because the experience is generally restricted to the genitals. No matter how intensely outrageous the orgasmic discharge may be, if the experience is confined only to the genitals and the muscles of the pelvis, something is missing. The problem is that while many men are sexually open, too often their hearts are guarded, or closed. And, if a man is extremely openhearted and loving, often, he may be a bit shut down sexually. Men in particular, seem to have difficulty activating the heart-genital connection. For these men, love and sex appear to be entirely separate entities. Love may involve the heart, but sex happens between the legs. It’s not unusual for a guy’s genitals to wilt like a flower that’s lost its bloom if his heart is very open. And if his penis is throbbing with lust and uncontrollable desire, he may just forget that he even has a heart.
Nevertheless, even in the absence of love, many men still find it fairly easy to enjoy sex. If you don’t think so, just reflect on their fondness for pornography, masturbation, prostitution and one-night stands. If you think about it, it’s likely that many young men learn about sex as horny teenagers jerking off in the bathroom devoid of any emotional involvement. Safe in their comfort zones, these youngsters are conditioned to pursue the shortsighted goal of ejaculation without feeling obliged to love at all.