Does your man only show up at meal time, often forget his wallet, or ask you to run his errands for him? Chances are, you’ve got a money sucking moocher who is not only wasting your cash but your time and your good lovin’ too. See my list of criteria to determine if your man is into you or what you have – making him a mooch – if he qualifies as such a parasite, save your sanity and your bank account and give this guy the boot!
1. He’s designed a date payment rotation plan. And on his cycle, surprise surprise, his dates are always remarkably low to no cost – things such as picnics, a walk on the beach or he just so happens to be in the mood for a cuddly DVR night in. However, on your nights to put up, he suggests the latest and greatest restaurant, bar or club in town, or “Hey, how about we catch the Laker game tonight?”
2. Like clockwork, every time your stomach rumbles, simultaneously your doorbell rings and who’s there? None other than your man, there to raid your fridge.
Moochers are always on the prowl for free food so when it’s feeding time, you can expect to see him.
3. If you’ve considered a wallet chain the perfect gift for your guy because he just so happens to forget his all the time when you go out leaving you to foot the bill, this is a sure sign of a mooch. Another key sign – on more than a few occasions his credit card has mysteriously declined.
4. You are on your way home from a long day at the office. Your sweet-talking beau calls and asks, “Babe, would you mind swinging by the store and picking me up a few things?” He then proceeds to list a half a dozen or so toiletry-like items.
5. Your laundry and dry cleaning pile get bigger by the week. What once was a delicate load of lingerie has now become dominated with boxers and mis-matched sweat socks. When you go to pick up your dry cleaning, inexplicably included are a few men’s dress shirts and a suit jacket.
6. You are invited to a semi-formal affair – a wedding, work event, etc. Your man of course would love to go with you, but sadly claims he has nothing to wear. He’s happy to go but you will have to spring for a new outfit. The fact you’ve been picking up dry cleaning for months for some reason escapes your mind.
7. Your friends that your man is a mooch. You deny it but then when you do a simple balance sheet calculation mapping out the give and take in your so-called relationship the take column is glaringly blank. Sure maybe he has hit a financial roadblock, but would it kill him to clean house or cook for you, or does he really need to camp out at your place all day working on a butt print in your sofa?
8. All of a sudden you are living together, without ever having had the declarative, romantic ‘let’s take this step and move in together’ talk. He just took over a few drawers and badah boom badah bing, he’s your rent-free roomie.
9. He’s slick. He knows every trick in the book to get something for free. He’d rather take a government check than work. He’s the first to find a lawsuit for nothing. He doesn’t take pride in earning what he receives.
10. You’ve caught him a time too many living it up beyond his measly means (i.e. eating at a nice restaurant without you, going on a weekend getaway with the guys, buying a nice watch) but when it comes to the basics, he is totally reliant on you.
11. If you had a pair of designer shoes for every time he told you that things were going to change soon – that he was trying to make things different – that if he had the world he would give it to you – you could compete with Carrie Bradshaw for most impressive footwear collection.