The Battle Between Your Heart & Your Ego!


The Battle Between Your Heart & Your Ego!

Breakups suck. I get it. We ALL get it. Find me someone who loves them, and I’ll point you to a liar. I however will be the first in line to find the sun in a cloudy day, the opportunity in a challenging situation. Optimism, along with humor and a thirst for knowledge and understanding has been my self-medication ever since I can remember. A glass of wine never hurt me either, but I find that the perfect blend of conscious positivity, hopefulness and soul-searching can get me through anything… even heart-wrenching pain.

Effectively dealing with heartache isn’t though just about looking on the bright side to find your silver lining, learning from your experience and trying not to gain ten pounds through the process. It is also about dealing with REALITY. That is my other secret ingredient. Many people avoid reality at all costs, especially during a breakup because facing reality means facing the truth of your pain… your deep, multi-dimensional pain – head and heart on… and that, takes courage. Lion-heart courage.


Which brings me to a recurring conversation I’ve had lately with several newly single lovelies. These heart-deep chit-chats about relationship ends and the possibilities of new beginnings often include an emphatic claim from the gorgeous soul before me that she simply “CANNOT get over him.” Almost more than they are married to the relationship, these women are married to staying stuck in the breakup.

No matter the circumstances, no matter how long it has been, how long the relationship was, what they forecasted it could be and so on and so on, many women refuse to let go of what was which makes them, by simple law of physics, incapable of taking flight towards whatever lies ahead.

As I delved deeper into these conversations this week, what became clear with so many of these women was that it wasn’t their hearts that were still entangled into their former relationships or exes, but that rather their egos were so gravely damaged. For the most part, they were over missing him… over having his companionship, his warm body to snuggle with, a friend to lean on. But the pain of being left, rejected, betrayed, violated or otherwise disappointed, when they thought, or better yet, deep down inside knew, that they deserved and in many ways hoped, for more… was still eating at them.

So if you are still panging after a lost love, do a big, fat reality check on yourself by asking if it is your heart that is still in love with your ex or if it is your ego that is still bruised. If you find it is your ego, fill yourself up with self-loving, ego-massaging activities to remind yourself that, yes, you do indeed deserve more! You will find that very quickly, almost in an instant you will get over him, the same one that you thought you just couldn’t possibly get over… and move towards a happy new place!

Live and love largely,

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Tristan Coopersmith

Marriage and Family Therapist

Tristan Coopersmith, M.A. MFTi

Location: Hermosa Beach, CA
Credentials: BA, MA, MFTI
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