3 Reasons You Must Stop Shopping for a Husband


3 Reasons You Must Stop Shopping for a Husband

There are scads of articles and books written promising a foolproof formula to finding a husband. Usually they include a step by step guide with a guarantee of success in x number of days. If you are a reader of these, time to toss them and whatever manipulation they have down to your head and heart and it is time to get real!

The thing is, love takes time to find and to grow. It can’t be assigned to a timeline just because you think you are ready. And if you don’t believe this, check out my TOP 3 reasons for why you must stop looking for a groom now:


3. You will end up with a guy who has no plans of moving out of his mama’s basement. Searching for a husband inevitably results in a lowering of standards… a severe lowering, bordering on dare I say it, desperation. When you fixate on the a broad goal such as getting married, it is easy to ignore the actual more important sub-goals such as finding a worthy partner. Husband does not equal happiness, so keep your standards high and for God’s sake, make sure your “I do” is to someone who doesn’t live at home anymore.

2. Men can smell the perfume of desperation… and it makes them run! Speaking of desperation, it stinks… literally. Any decent man can sniff out a woman with a marriage mission. Marriage minded women behave differently than those that are along for the ride. Marriage minded women interview dates instead of date dates. They ask questions about future goals – financial, family and otherwise. They quiz dates on how they would raise children and what retirement looks like for them. And all of this drilling makes them want to bolt towards a date who is more free-spirited.

1. You will end up divorced faster than you got to the altar. On the off chance that your hunt-down-a-husband plan does work, you will find yourself signing divorce papers quickly. And not only will you be at ground zero, you will have to tackle a whole web of uncomfortable and challenging emotions from failure to regret and beyond. Save yourself the heartache by walking slowly into love.

I get it. We are wired to seek out partnership. Partnership feels awesome after all, so why wouldn’t we want it?! Be sure though that when you do commit it was done with good motive – not to fill a void in your life such as career disatisfaction, feeling like you are the only one of your friends not in a relationship, loneliness, ow self-esteem, etc.

This isn’t all to say that you shouldn’t go for what you want… of course you should, and you should and can get it too. Rather, this is to emphasize that as cliche as it sounds, the journey is what is more important than the destination. In love, it is the journey that awakens us to what we actually want, when we already thought we knew.

Perhaps Diana Ross and The Supremes said it best:

“You can’t hurry love
No, you just have to wait
Love don’t come easy
It’s a game of give and take

You can’t hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said to trust, and give it time
No matter how long it takes.”

So give yourself the gift of slowing down and paying attention; don’t force love, let it blossom for you the way it is meant to.

Live and love largely,

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Tristan Coopersmith

Marriage and Family Therapist

Tristan Coopersmith, M.A. MFTi

Location: Hermosa Beach, CA
Credentials: BA, MA, MFTI
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