“Does he have a legitimate excuse for waiting to marry me or is he just stalling?” This is the question that I receive most from women whose “marriage talks” with their boyfriends aren’t resulting in a proposal. Of course there are times when these long term boyfriends do raise a valid concern or two that needs to be addressed before you can seriously consider spending a lifetime together. The challenge is to identify when an excuse or two has turned into serial stalling.
Once you reach the point where every mention of marriage is met with a constant stream of excuses, you are likely to find that rather getting tired of delaying marriage, he seems to become more and more proficient at stalling. Although the number of excuses that these men use often seem limitless , there are several categories that are old time favorites that crop up over and over again. See if you recognize your man’s behavior in any of these common “serial staller personalities.”
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This is the guy who is concerned about everything being “just perfect” before the two of you can get married. He may say that you need to wait for the perfect time, have the perfect amount of money saved or be at the perfect stage in your careers before the two of you can tie the knot. This “perfect” excuse is very convenient, because there is no such thing as perfection in life.
The excuse can continue indefinitely no matter how life changes. Even if you have finally saved a chunk of money or you have just reached a milestone at work, the excuse can always be made that these are merely steps along the path to reaching that “perfect time” for marriage. One side note about the perfectionist is that he is not usually a perfectionist when it comes to other things in life, just when it comes to those talks about marriage.
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Chicken Little was the doom and gloom character who believed the sky was falling when an acorn fell on his head. When it comes to stalling over marriage, a “chicken little,” is the guy who focuses on every negative aspect of marriage. He will try to convince you that surely the sky will fall and you will both end up miserable and divorced if you marry.
He can site every couple that he has ever known who has gotten divorced, yet he can’t seem to name one happily married couple. Forget about the fact that his own parents are still happy after many years of marriage. Instead, he’ll explain how the two of you are doomed because his buddy from college just got divorced from a woman that he dated for two weeks prior to marrying her on a whim. Yes, the divorce rate is still hovering around 50 percent, but the couples who do head down the aisle don’t dwell on this. They focus on what they will need to do to one day be the little old married couple that still holds hands, rather than focusing on every possible scenario of what could go wrong in a marriage.