It’s that time of year again, wedding season, and if you have a long term boyfriend you may be feeling that the pressure is on to get that marriage proposal. The complaint that I’m hearing most from women in this situation is “I’m sick of going to weddings and being asked when I am finally going to be a bride?” If the wedding happens to be for a couple that was dating for less time than the woman who is still waiting to be engaged, then this phrase is uttered with an even greater sense of frustration and often with a fair amount of profanity.
So what should you do when you are tired of waiting for a proposal and you want to speed up the process? Before you jump in and start pulling out all the stops, take a deep breath and try to look at your plan objectively rather than emotionally. Picture your strategy as if you were trying to win a poker game rather than trying to win at the game of love. Here are some of the most popular strategies that women use once they decide that the notion that “he’ll propose when he’s ready” needs to be replaced with an active approach.
Giving Ultimatums AKA Bluffing
One of the first steps that women take when they really want that proposal is to threaten to break up if their man hasn’t proposed within a set amount of time. The majority of the time, the woman has no intention of leaving the relationship if he doesn’t meet her deadline. This situation is just like bluffing in a game of poker. In poker the goal is to make your opponent believe that your hand is stronger than it is, and when trying to get a proposal you are trying to convince your partner that you are much more ready to leave the relationship than you really are.
In poker, you can only successfully bluff if your opponent has no idea which cards are in your hand. In relationships, the same is also true. You have already “tipped your hand” if you have previously let your man know that you want to marry him no matter how long you have to wait, or if you have given ultimatums in the past and not followed through. If you have already shown your hand, then there is no point in giving an ultimatum or deadline unless you are fully prepared to leave the relationship if you don’t get the outcome that you want.
Base Your Actions on Reality Not Wishes AKA Know When to Fold
Some men have no trouble discussing marriage and family early in a relationship. We often view them as having much more “husband potential” than men who admit that commitment scares them. Despite a promising start, you may find that in reality the man who seemed so enthusiastic about marriage turns out to be no more likely to walk down the aisle with you than the guy who was upfront about never wanting marriage.