Dating Desires: 3 Keys To Getting An Ex Back

By

Dating Desires: 3 Keys To Getting An Ex Back
Whether right away or down the line, wanting your ex back has three key elements.

Wanting your ex back is a process many people go through after a breakup. Sometimes, this yearning is immediate, setting in the instant you and your partner call it quits. Other times, it’s a bit of a late reaction. You may date around or go a few months before regret sets in.

But, whether wanting your ex back happens right away, or a little further on down the road, whenever this desire rears its enticing head, you should keep three things in mind:

It’s Natural: The first thing to keep in mind is that wanting your ex back is totally natural: many people experience it. In fact, when it comes to relationships, many of us automatically revert back to our three year old selves: we don’t want to play with a toy until we are told we can’t (or until someone else has it).

Wanting your ex back is something that nearly everyone who goes through a breakup experiences, albeit at different degrees. Some people want to reconcile with such fierceness that they devote nearly all of their time and energy to recapturing a long lost love. Others experience something much more fickle: they only want their ex back during times of loneliness or, of course, after downing lots of boxed wine.

Still, no matter if the urge is subtle or completely extreme, wanting your ex back is as natural as crying when watching a Nicholas Spark’s movie: it happens to almost all of us, even though we don’t always admit it.

It’s Possible to Get Them Back: The second thing to keep in mind about wanting your ex back is that it is indeed possible to get them back. Even if they had an affair, even if words you would never say in front of your grandmother were exchanged, even if very expensive baseball card collections were thrown out the window of a moving car, no matter what happened, it’s possible to reconcile.

This is because most relationships are indeed salvageable. Even when the breakup is one sided — for instance, you desperately want to stay together — you are seriously willing to do anything — but your partner wants to call it quits; they have met someone else and want to try to see how things transpire with them — even then, it’s possible to capture the love you once had.

It Requires Change: The third thing to remember about wanting your ex back directly ties into the possibility of getting them back: reconciliation takes effort, especially on your part.

Relationships are not one ways streets: it takes two people to drive them right into a dead end as much as it takes two people to drive them into the bliss of happily ever after. But, and this is a huge baby-got-back but, when reconciling you will get nowhere if you place any blame on the other person’s shoulders.

Because you are the one who wants to reconcile, you are the one who must change, at least for now. If you go to your ex and tell them that the two of you can work if you do this and they do that, they are likely to get defensive, and want to reconcile about as much as they want a root canal sans Novocain.

Instead, you need to be willing to change and — what’s more — show your ex how much you have changed; words alone are akin to empty promises, and usually not enough to reel your fish back to shore. You do this by looking closely at your relationship and figuring out what and how it went wrong. Then, you figure out your role in the demise.

Whatever role you had — whether large or small or somewhere in the middle — you change your behaviors. This will not only serve you well (everyone can benefit from fixing their faults) but it will make you look attractive in the eyes of the one who got away...as well as a slug of others.

To learn more about wanting your ex back, click here.

More on How To Fix A Relationship from YourTango:

 

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

The Romance Code

Relationship Coach

The Romance Code

To Get Help With Your Relationship Now, Click Here...

Location: Norfolk, VA
Credentials: Other
Other Articles/News by The Romance Code:

Five Misconceptions Women Have About Men

By

For many women, being happy in dating involves knowing how to make a man fall in love. Some women flirt, others play hard to get. Some bathe the man they like in attention, others only show enough attention to let the guy know they’re interested. But, at least in part, knowing how to make a man fall in love isn’t necessarily about how to act (bat ... Read more

Getting Her Back after Breaking Her Heart

By

Whenever a breakup occurs, wondering how to win her back is a perfectly normal process for the average guy. Some men may begin to wonder this before the door even slams shut as she says she's had enough and exits in anger. Other men may wonder how to win her back after they break up with a girl (and then realize – ala Mike Dexter from the movie ... Read more

5 Signs That Getting Back Together is Worth It

By

The decision of whether or not getting back together is something you should consider is both personal and timely; only you (as well as your ex) can make it, but you don’t have forever. Time marches and people move on; thus, getting back together is a decision that must be made before it’s too late. Because it is so timely, you need to know ... Read more

See More

GET MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN YOUR INBOX!

Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB