If you're like many men, you may deal with heartbreak by wondering just how to get your ex-girlfriend back. You may plan, you may connive, you may even track them on Foursquare so that you can run into them at places you know they will be ("So funny seeing you here….not!"). But, the truth is that wondering how to get your ex back shouldn't involve some grand plan; it shouldn't involve using social media as your wingman either. Instead, it should involve giving your ex time, allowing yourself to change (for the better) and showing your ex that you have changed. But before all this — before you can set your plan for reconciliation into action — you must make sure you're wondering how to get your ex-girlfriend back for the right reasons, and not for the wrong ones.
Like so many things, reconciling has two sides to it, two flips of the coin, two faces in the mirror. There's a good side and a bad side. On the good side are the right reasons for learning how to get your ex back. These include the following five things (though there are possibly more).
Right Reasons For Reconciling:
- You genuinely love your ex, and they genuinely love you.
- You accept your problems and your responsibility in them; you believe you will be able to overcome them a second time around.
- Your breakup was impulsive, based on one or two issues that caused one or both of you to act out of rashness; these issues are solvable.
- It has been several months (or years) since the two of you dated and you've both matured considerably.
- You each agree that you didn't work hard enough to save your union; this time around, you're willing to go that extra mile, including getting couples counseling or some form of professional help.
On the flipside of the good reasons for wondering how to get your ex back are the bad ones; these reasons do not warrant reconciliation, no matter how much you try to convince yourself that they do.
Wrong Reasons For Reconciling:
- You're afraid of being alone (a fear of loneliness is never a reason to date anyone, especially an ex).
- Neither of you have worked on your issues, and you're not willing to work on them, but you still assume the second time will be the charm.
- You want to date your ex only until something better comes along — things like this are the reason people get hurt in the world of dating, and rightfully so.
- Your ex dumped you, now you want to reconcile with them and enact your revenge; hopefully this thing only happens in bad romance movies, but if you do it in real life, you need your head examined (or at least your heart).
- You're completely sure that your initial breakup was not your fault at all — it was only the fault of your ex.
As demonstrated above, sometimes learning how to get your ex back is a path you should never take. To do so will leave you (or your partner) hurt and frustrated, and you'll likely have nothing to show for your failed reconciliation except a bunch of wasted time. However, if you're wondering how to get your ex back for the right reasons — namely because you love one another and are both willing to work hard to solve your problems — then reconciling can be a wonderful step, and one you will look back on in 60 years and be extremely glad you took.
To learn more about how to get your ex back, click here.
More about getting back together on YourTango: