If the male lead in the average romantic comedy has taught us anything, it's that breakups involve a lot of heartache, a ton of beer drinking, a couple strip clubs and hours wondering how to get her back. In fact, the average man doesn't realize just how much he actually loves his partner until she tells him she's leaving. Then he finds himself staring longingly at the vacant bathroom cabinet where a makeup bag and box of tampons once sat and missing her. Then, just like that, he starts asking himself how to get her back.
Though he can ask all he wants, it's not the asking but the action that will give him resolution.
Why She Left
The very first step in solving the how to get her back riddle has to do with realizing why she actually left. Perhaps she told you exactly why. Claiming you were too devoted to your work, you were awful at communication or she saw you ogling that hot barrister at the downstairs coffee shop one too many times.
But, there is rarely one reason why someone leaves. Instead, it's an accumulation of a whole bunch of things. Women are like balloons — they can withstand a certain amount of pressure but then something happens to make them pop. Your job is to re-inflate. You can only do this if you know the real reason why she left and this is something you must look inside yourself to figure out.
The You Factor
If How to Get Her Back was a talent show airing weeknights on network television, the initial tryouts would be filled with guys acting like chumps. Some would beg their girl for another chance, others would call them incessantly (I just wanted to make sure you got my other seven messages — my phone's acting funny!). The particularly awful tryouts would be full of men stalking or even threatening.
This pattern is a one commonly made. When men wonder how to get her back, they focus on her instead of focusing on them.
Your girl isn't going to come running back to you unless you can show her you've changed; it doesn't matter how many witty emails you send. This isn't to say that the relationship's demise was all your fault. In almost all relationships that end, both parties are at fault. But, because you're the one who wants to reconcile, you're the one who must shoulder the change.
So, whatever ill-received role you brought to the relationship — where you smoked and drank too much or spent too much time flirting with other women — must be remedied. Only you can do this.
Telling her how much you've changed is not enough. That's the same as people who profess to others how awesome they are. Rather, you must show that you are new and improved through your actions. Literally show her what she is missing.
Time, Time, Ticking Into the Future
The last thing to keep in mind when wondering how to get your ex back is that a brand new relationship isn't going to happen overnight. No, not even if you have Amazon Prime. Relationships require time to heal and it is in your benefit to allow this time.
Immediately following a breakup, both parties are sad, pissed and emotional. They each need time to return to sanity. Giving your ex time helps allow you to reunite when anger and hurt has settled into the emotional floor. Giving your ex time also gives her a chance to miss you.
If you bombard your ex immediately after she left with phone calls, text messages or even bouquets of flowers sent to her work, you're far more likely to annoy her than impress her. But, if you give her time to cool down — time where you make no contact at all — she'll begin to miss you, long for you and wonder if you've moved on. That alone will make her want you back for good.
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