Inquiring about her ex might be the worst idea yet.
Getting over a relationship is always difficult. Breakups make us sad, fill us with regret, and leave us wondering what could have been. But getting over a relationship is also hard when we're not the ones doing the climbing. When people we love have their hearts broken, we can't help but feel their pain.
We feel it so profoundly that we do whatever we can to help getting over a relationship be as easy as possible for our loved ones. We make them laugh, we offer a shoulder to cry on, we allow them to vent even if it means their taking their hurt and anger out on us. We drop everything and go to great lengths to help their wounds leave the tiniest scar possible.
But, while our roads may be paved with good intentions, these intentions don't always shine through. This is particularly true in our words: sometimes we say things that we shouldn't and end hurting more than we help.
Luckily, we can avoid putting our foot in our mouth (and making our loved ones want to put their foot through our ass) by remembering to stay away from five dangerous phrases.
So, the next time someone you love is getting over a relationship, ditch the following diction:
- What did you do?: What did you do? is about as conducive to getting over a relationship as continuing to sleep with your ex while they date other people. This is a question that assigns blame, when you really should just be offering support.
- Do you think they were cheating on you?: This might seem like an innocent question, but — if people haven't yet considered their ex's infidelity — it can cause an unwelcome image. If they want to bring up the idea of cheating, that's one thing. But you bringing it up is entirely different. It toys too greatly with their imagination, and imagination and getting over a relationship are a lethal mix.
- Well, you were kind of....: These may be five little words, but they speak volumes. They say "I'm not really on your side and I totally understand why you were dumped." Even if your loved one is about as caring in a relationship as a black widow, don't bring it up. They already feel like shit; you're supposed to be the pooper scooper.
- Maybe if you tried_______: No matter what you fill in the blank with — losing weight, making more money, not being such a Bitter Bertha — it's a dangerous phrase. If your loved one wants advice, they'll ask for it. If they don't, be a little less mouth and a little more ears.
- So and so is single now?: If you show interest in your loved one's ex, you can all but assure your friendship will end abruptly. This kind of thing is teeming with betrayal and just sticks a knife in an already aching wound. Brenda and Kelly's friendship didn't really survive Kelly and Dylan's romance. And your friendship won't survive either.
It's pretty simple: when your loved one is getting over a relationship, put yourself in their shoes (or the slippers that they've probably been wearing for a month). If there are words that would hurt your feelings, then don't use them on the broken hearted.
To learn more about getting over a relationship, click here.