Do you feel regret after a one-night stand? It's time to rework your sex and dating expectations.
We have all been there. That semi-attractive friend of a friend you've had a mild crush on looks even better five drinks in. You are laughing, flirting and cannot believe how much you have in common. What?! He likes Taio too? This is clearly destiny!
Flash forward to the next morning. After realizing that he is not Prince Charming, just that semi-attractive friend of a friend, you slip out and realize you have to somehow get back to your place and here enters… the notorious walk of shame.
Walk of shamers usually stand out. They are usually up earlier than the rest of their demographic, likely wearing night-appropriate clothing and are often displaying a "Did last night really happen?" guilty face. If it has happened to you, you known the roller coaster of emotions it can bring. First, a little rush from the exciting naughtiness attached to a usually highly entertaining story to share. The next day or two, you may experience actual dread that you may see your hookup when you are not sure you are ready to face him after the "incident." Finally, even though you may not be sure if you want to see him again, you are disappointed when he doesn't call, which then can lead to feeling guilty about the experience and promising yourself that will never happen again—which it usually does. How To Combat Post-Sex Regret
I am not a judgmental person and would be a hypocrite if I pretended that had never happened to me (ask me about the Halloween Cookie Debacle of 2009). Even as a dating coach, I am the last person who is going to tell you what is or is not appropriate for your love life. I am leaving that to your Mom. I am, however, going to say that if you are walking away feeling like crap and it is taking a toll on your confidence somethin' just ain't right.
Here are three ways to make sure you turn your walk of shame into a stride of pride every time.
1. Ask yourself: why did you do it?
Was he too cute or funny to pass up, or were you downright lonely? Was there a little too much booze a flowin? Was it for fun or a shot at love? There is nothing wrong with doing some exploring in your love life, so long as you are ALWAYS emotionally and physically safe—but if you find yourself heading for a hookup to fill something inside of you that is feeling sad, lonely or empty, you are going to end up feeling worse. 4 Ways To Avoid The Regrettable Hook-Up
2. What are you expecting?
Are you expecting a night of a fun and kissing, or a new boyfriend? Whenever you lay on the expectations that this guy could be "the one" just because he wanted to take you home after grinding to Rihanna on the dance floor, well, it most likely is exactly what it is. Now there is nothing wrong with that, but expecting that he is going to call and want to start a relationship is going to get you a ticket on the crazy train. 6 Secret Places To Meet Good Men (As Written By A Good Man)
3. Learn from it.
If you find that this is happening regularly, and every time you feel like crap for the next couple of days, it just may not be what you are looking for. Enlist your friends to help you. Make sure they let you flirt, but also that they get you home at the end of the night. Or, alternatively, I encourage you to see it exactly for what it is and embrace it. Go into it in-control, making the decision to have fun and be happy about it. No one is a victim if they chose to do it, so if you make the decision to kiss someone for an evening take it for what it is. Then you can wake up with a smile on your face, and a great story in your pocket to retell at brunch with your girls.