Taking Back Your Sexuality After Trauma Or Abuse

By

Abusive Relationships: Taking Back Your Sexuality After Trauma
They seem terrifying, but your feelings are the key to healing.

If you suffered from childhood sexual abuse you probably land in one of two camps; those who have nightmares and avoid sexual experiences out of fear, and those that repeat the pattern of sexual trauma, justifying it in the name of freedom. Both behaviors are problematic and can deprive you of a fulfilling life. Even though you were abused as a child, it doesn't mean you need to live a life of self-abuse now.

Like all things in life, too much or too little of a good thing can be harmful to you. So it is with your sexuality, too much sex and you could be repeating a pattern of the trauma, unconsciously harming yourself. Too little sex, and you could be harming yourself by depriving yourself of a life giving experience. The key to healthy sexuality is to find where a healthy middle zone is located for you.

  1. Tune Into Your Feelings. A sure sign you have some healing to do is that you don't allow yourself to have feelings. If you feel scared to feel your emotions and acknowledge them, then get professional help. Counselors are trained to listen and help you through the feelings. Your childhood fears can't hurt you now that you are an adult. The worst thing that can happen is that you feel uncomfortable with an emotion,  and you can work through that.
  2. Process Your Feelings. By telling your story to yourself and a trusted other, the shame of what happened to you will diminish. You will become stronger, and more able to face your fears today. You will develop a cohesive story about your experiences.
  3. Surrender The Feelings. After processing your feelings, you may wish to let the feelings of resentment, anger, hurt, and fear go. This may be a process of letting go or surrendering over and over again every time the feelings come up. Every time you surrender a piece of the abuse, there is a little bit less inside of you to cause you harm. You are closer to freedom from the tyranny the abuse held over you.

By choosing to heal from childhood abuse, You are choosing a life that is transformed and free to be what you want it to be. You are leaving behind the shackles, and chains that have held you down and kept you from your destiny. Choose freedom, Choose to heal.

More about abusive relationships from YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Teresa Maples

Counselor/Therapist

Teresa Maples MS, LMHC, CSAT, CMAT

If you have wondered about your relationship and yearned for something more intimate and fulfilling, sign up for my newsletter. You will get relationship advice which will help you move you closer to your ideal.

Live Life Abundantly!

 

Location: Gig Harbor, WA
Credentials: CMAT, CSAT, LMHC
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Infidelity / Affair Recovery, Sex Addiction
Other Articles/News by Teresa Maples:

Is He Addicted To Porn? 8 Ways To Help Him

By

One of the ways that relationships go sideways is when one or both partners have an addiction. That addiction may be to alcohol, drugs, gambling, food, shopping or even to the Internet, particularly pornography. Recent studies have shown that Internet addictions can actually change brain activity in humans. In a 2014 study porn users had a smaller reward ... Read more

Want A Better Marriage? Look At Each Other

By

Have you ever wondered what it is that attracts us to one person over another? It’s what we see in their eyes. Some call this love at first sight. We recognize something familiar in that person’s gaze, which draws us to them. In long-term relationships, many couples are so focused on raising kids, going to work and dealing with a thousand other ... Read more

Married To A Sex Addict? 14 Signs That They Are Recovering

By

If you are reading this article, you are most likely a concerned person who cares about a sex addict and wants what is best for them. I applaud you. You are a caring and giving person who has the best interest of the sex addict in mind. You have empathy or the ability to feel and understand what another human being is going through. I challenge you to use these ... Read more

See More

GET MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN YOUR INBOX!

Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB