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Deepen Intimacy By Disclosing Infidelity Respectfully

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Deepen Intimacy By Disclosing Infidelity Respectfully
7 Steps To Incude When Disclosing Infidelity To Your Partner. Heal From Shame and Build Self-esteem

In a recent study, at the University Of Notre Dame, Anita Kelly, a Psychology Professor, reported that when peoples lies went up during the week, their health went down. Conversely, she reported that when people’s lies decreased, their overall health improved. This is amazing news, connecting our emotional life with our physical wellbeing. Anyone who has ever attended a 12 step meeting knows that addiction and lies go hand in hand. People lie for various reasons, if we look at the deeper meaning for the deception; I believe it comes down to one thing, the feeling of shame. Shame is what you believe about yourself, “I am bad, I must hide the bad part of myself to feel okay”. Watch Brene Brown Video on Shame for tips on handling shame.

In our most important relationships, this dishonesty destroys and even prevents true intimacy. What I mean by true intimacy is the feeling of being completely safe with your partner. It is a reciprocal feeling of being fully known and accepted by another person and fully knowing and accepting your partner. It includes physical, emotional, spiritual intimacy. You “get” and protect each other from harm. Deception can distort reality and give your partner a sense of feeling “crazy” if you deny your true self. Partners know there is something off, but can’t place it because they want to believe you are who you said you are. This is especially true if you have had an affair or are addicted to pornography or sex.

More from YourTango: 5 Things 'Awkward' Teaches About Cheaters & Why They Blame You

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The best way to build self-esteem and integrity is to tell your partner the truth by being honest and respectful. Your partner deserves to know who you are, and you deserve a partner that knows everything about you and still loves and cares about you. That’s called unconditional love, which is a powerful boost to self-esteem, and reduces your shame. Being honest does not include vomiting all the details of your indiscretions to relieve you from your feelings of shame. It’s a bit more complicated if you want to save your relationship. You will want to share in a way that is safe and respectful to your partner. 22 Ways Couples Can Overcome Infidelity [EXPERT]

If you are wanting to come clean about your infidelities, the best way to share is to get help from a therapist who specializes in sexual addiction, preferably one who does a disclosure process. So many people are told by Counselors to tell everything to your partner without realizing the damage your partner may experience. I have counseled many couples who were told to disclose everything by a well-meaning Counselor, and the partner had been pummeled with details that caused more pain than was necessary. Your partner needs support when a full disclosure of your infidelity happens. Therapists trained to do sexual disclosures use a process developed to minimize the damage to partners, and designed to build intimacy in the relationship. 6 Ways To Feel Secure As A Couple [EXPERT]

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Teresa Maples

Counselor/Therapist

Teresa Maples MS, LMHC, CSAT, CMAT

If you are a woman who has been betrayed and want to heal and thrive  I want to invite you to my Free Webinar.

My passion is to encourage, nurture,and validate people, deepening their most important relationships to Live Life Abundantly!

Reserve my seat now for the amazing webinar, "Surviving to Thriving" Help for women after discovering your partner has cheated.

 

Location: Gig Harbor, WA
Credentials: CMAT, CSAT, LMHC
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Infidelity / Affair Recovery, Sex Addiction
Other Articles/News by Teresa Maples:

5 Things 'Awkward' Teaches About Cheaters & Why They Blame You

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On the successful MTV show Awkward, Jenna and Matty were the perfect couple — until Jenna messed it up by cheating and not taking responsibility for her actions.  The show is so compelling that I watched all three seasons in one week. It helps that I am a serious student of human nature and found the characters similar to what you ... Read more

Taking Back Your Sexuality After Trauma Or Abuse

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If you suffered from childhood sexual abuse you probably land in one of two camps; those who have nightmares and avoid sexual experiences out of fear, and those that repeat the pattern of sexual trauma, justifying it in the name of freedom. Both behaviors are problematic and can deprive you of a fulfilling life. Even though you were abused as a child, it ... Read more

Radio Show: Healing After Betrayal

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Carol the Coach interviewed Teresa Maples on March 3, 2014 on the topic of Partners of Cheaters. If you are interested click here and you can listen to the interview in its entirety. Teresa talked about her upcoming webinar and how she can help women who want healing after being betrayed by their partners. Many partners feel like they are going crazy and ... Read more

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