Confused & Unsure? You May Be Suffering From Abuse


Confused & Unsure? You May Be Suffering From Abuse [EXPERT]
Are you feeling unsure of yourself in your relationship?
Tips for what to do when your partner is a manipulator and abuser.

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month and Bullying Awareness Month. Most people are aware of overt violence and bullying, such as hitting, pushing, slapping, kicking and bruising someone. In recent news, there was a perfect example of this kind of violence; a local woman in Gig Harbor, WA died as a result of her partners physical abuse.

While the Gig Harbor womans story is blatently tragic, there is another more hidden and psychologically damaging violence between intimate partners. This type of violence has no bruises and therefore is not considered a legal offence. However, the damage done to a person's sense of self can be quite profound. It is called interpersonal or relational violence.

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This type of violence is very subtle and often times the victim doesn't know she/he has been played by the controlling person's manipulation. In my counseling office, I hear the words "I don't know who I am anymore," "I'm so confused" or "I don"t have this problem with anyone else in my life." As their story unfolds, the "victim" has relayed to me that they don't trust themselves anymore and that if they did feel something was not right, they would ignore their gut instincts.

They also state they have "trusted their partner with everything and assumed their partner had their best interest at heart." Now, I am not saying that you should not trust your partner but I would encourage you to only trust a trustworthy person. Trust is something that needs to be earned. Blindly trusting someone may and often does lead to betrayal, so it may be wise to protect your heart.

Trust is something that needs to be earned by consistently backing up words with behavior. You should be able to rely on your partner to follow through with what they said they would do. For example, you and your partner agree that tomorrow he will take out the trash and that you will do the laundry. If either of you don't do the agreed upon task, it breaks trust within your agreement.

If you follow through with your task and he blows off the garbage, he has just broken trust with you. He did not back up his words with action. Occasionally, we do need to make accommodations for extenuating circumstances. However, if there is a consistent pattern of extenuating circumstances, now you have broken trust and an untrustworthy partner.  6 Ways To Feel Secure As A Couple [EXPERT]

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So how do you know if you have fallen prey to this subtle form of abuse? It is helpful to start paying attention to your feelings and emotions. If you tune into your body, you will gain clues to help you discover if your partner is trustworthy or not. The easiest way to tell is to ask yourself, "Do I feel emotionally safe with my partner?"

More about abusive relationships from YourTango Experts:

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Teresa Maples


Teresa Maples MS, LMHC, CSAT, CMAT

If you are a woman who has been betrayed and want to heal and thrive  I want to invite you to my Free Webinar.

My passion is to encourage, nurture,and validate people, deepening their most important relationships to Live Life Abundantly!

Reserve my seat now for the amazing webinar, "Surviving to Thriving" Help for women after discovering your partner has cheated.


Location: Gig Harbor, WA
Credentials: CMAT, CSAT, LMHC
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Infidelity / Affair Recovery, Sex Addiction
Other Articles/News by Teresa Maples:

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If you suffered from childhood sexual abuse you probably land in one of two camps; those who have nightmares and avoid sexual experiences out of fear, and those that repeat the pattern of sexual trauma, justifying it in the name of freedom. Both behaviors are problematic and can deprive you of a fulfilling life. Even though you were abused as a child, it ... Read more

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Carol the Coach interviewed Teresa Maples on March 3, 2014 on the topic of Partners of Cheaters. If you are interested click here and you can listen to the interview in its entirety. Teresa talked about her upcoming webinar and how she can help women who want healing after being betrayed by their partners. Many partners feel like they are going crazy and ... Read more

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