ProConnect

Is It True For Me? 3 Relationship Myths

By

Is It True For Me? 3 Relationship Myths
Some popular ideas about relationships that can hurt, rather than help.

As a person committed to reading, researching and learning, I often get to the point where I have taken in so much information that I have no other choice than to throw some of it out!
In the area of relationships and love, this is even more necessary.  There are so many conflicting ideas about how to do relationships, that the whole thing becomes a mass of confusion.  What seems to be most important is to keep returning to the question: ‘Is this true for me?’
So, let me share some of the common relationship beliefs that seem like myths to me, and you get to decide if they are true for you!

1. You Have To Love Yourself Before Anyone Else Can Love You
Have any of you loved people who didn’t love themselves?  I know I have.  Others have also loved me when I have not felt worthy of that love. Unfortunately, this belief keeps people trying and trying to heal themselves, and afraid to be in another relationship because they don’t love themselves enough. We are not born knowing we are loved; rather we know it because we experience it.  A relationship can be the vehicle that gives us the experience of being loved, and thereby facilitating healing.
2. Men and Women Want The Same Things In Relationships
In some things yes, and in other things no.  For the most part if a group of men, and a group of women got together to share the top three things they most want from their relationship, there would be some noticeable differences.  For the most part, women want to be cherished, cared about, and to be treated as special.  Men want to be respected, trusted, and admired.
What does that mean in practical terms?  For example if a man is struggling in his career, he wants his partner to trust him to sort it out, without her asking questions, or offering suggestions.  For a woman, if she is having a tough time with anything, she wants her partner to listen, and perhaps to hold her - without criticism or advice.
3. Learning Communication Skills Is The Most Important Task In A Relationship
When a couple is in trouble, giving them good communication skills is often like pouring gasoline onto a fire.  Even when a couple is not in trouble, good communication makes no allowance for the emotions that are stirred up by that communication.  As brain science becomes more sophisticated, researchers are showing that emotions run the show and that our thoughts justify our emotional reactions later.  When the individuals in a couple are scared about losing the other person, or becoming engulfed by that person, they will become anxious.  In addition, external stressors such as children, career, money, and world events can also cause anxiety. Anxiety leads to black and white thinking, and ‘I’m right-they’re wrong’ attitudes.  The extent to which people can deal with anxiety in their partners, determines the extent to which the relationship can thrive.
Hope this was food for thought!
Comments welcome, and please let me know if you think there are other relationship myths that might need busting!

More from YourTango: When Mental Illness Leads To Divorce: What You Should Know

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Recent Expert Posts
Brain

Use Goal Setting To Get A Boyfriend

You use goal setting in your professional life, but have you ever thought of using it in your ...

shame

Uncovering the "Scandal" Behind Abusive Relationships

The media is abuzz with the news that “Scandal” star Columbus Short recently ...

Sex: How To Make Your Wife In The Mood For Sex

Are You The Tortoise Or The Hare In The Bedroom?

If he's ready and you're not, consider putting on a sexy fashion show for him.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no timeā€¦

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS