If you're single and recovering from Mr. Wrong, try these 3 activities to avoid self sabotage today.
Valentine’s Day is the day to measure relationship successes and failures. If destructive love has been your norm, or you’ve recently had a tough break up, you can end up rehashing years of unhappiness if you don’t take control of the day and use it to your advantage.
Start the day by declaring your love life a toxic-free zone, and that includes thoughts that make you feel bad about love, or the lack of it. Acknowledge how far you’ve come from tolerating bad love and remember that you are single because you wanted something more for yourself than what you have attracted so far.
This is the year that you control the outcome, and there will be no more leaving love to chance. Bar any reactions to the typical triggers, like considering contact with a past lover or allowing good memories to play on your vulnerability and justify you going back to what didn’t work~just so you won’t be dateless on this day. Stop yourself from jumping into another relationship too quickly, just because of sentiment and wishful thinking. Keep in mind that Valentine’s Day has the potential to cause self sabotage because it highlights the missing intensity that toxic relationships always have, and that makes us crave the back and forth pursuit and drama. Your reaction to day will dictate if it will be the mark of regret, or a new beginning. The following 3 activities will help you stay in control of the day, and use it to your advantage.
Activity 1) Emotional Decluttering
Bad memories can destroy our happiness and stability after a broken relationship, but we don’t appreciate that the good memories cause just as much trouble when we’re trying to move on. Thinking about all the good he had counters your break up success and keeps you trapped in the past (and vulnerable to going backwards).
To emotionally declutter your life, walk around your house and collect every item that came from your past relationship. Include anything that triggers the way you used to feel in the past relationship~good or bad, or anything that makes you feel regret or loneliness. This junk is blocking your energy and messing up your future. Throw it away, or give it to someone you don’t know (so you never see it again), even if it is beautiful, and yes~even if it is valuable. Get rid of it. Do it on the 14th.
Activity 2) Salvage Your Friendships
Bad relationships wear our friends out. After we’ve talked the details forty times~only to stay or return, it becomes a burden on our friendships. Think about which friends began to shut down to you and go see them to salvage that dwindling friendship. Tell them you are stopping the story mode today, and ask them to hold you to it. The one who won’t listen to any more past-talk is your new best friend. When someone stops you from talking about all the bad things, they are helping you heal and stopping the momentum of negative energy, and that frees you up for better love. Do it on the 14th.
Activity 3) Reset Your Radar
When your radar is off, you can’t read people correctly. To find toxic-free love, your radar has to be sharp and it has to clue you in to the good guys. After destructive love, your radar will be way off and self-trust will be low. You will second guess your instincts and may perceive safe, “normal” guys as boring or uninteresting because non-destructive men lack the intensity you are used to.
As you rely on the automatic attraction you feel to the intensity, you lead with your heart and your emotions, rather than relying on a more calculated attraction, where you use your emotions and your thinking when you are drawn to someone.
Being able to spot destructive behaviors and knowing how to respond to them in a self protective way, resets your radar. Get on track fast with a Start Over Success Kit. Do it on the 14th.