Want the perfect Valentine's Day? Here's how.
Visualize Your Perfect Valentine’s Day
By Dr Tammy Nelson
This Valentine’s Day you have a plan. You’ll buy flowers, have dinner, drink wine, and make love. It sounds romantic…and unrealistic.
Most likely you’ll sit in a crowded restaurant with other couples, paying for an overpriced meal. You’ll eat overly rich food and drink too much wine. When you get home you’ll be tired instead of amorous, because of the rich food and wine. The overpriced roses will be wilting because they were brought in by bulk trucks for the holiday and flash cooled. The lingerie you bought for the night is tight because you feel bloated from all that rich food. Sex will be nice, but not particularly spectacular, because you are both sleepy. The next day the chocolate will be sweet, the cards overly sentimental, but the holiday will have been a moderate success. You will probably both be glad it’s over and that you at least had someone special to celebrate with.
This year, instead of falling into the trap of the same old Valentine’s Day rut, create your perfect vision of your own ideal Valentine’s Day. Creating a “Vision” means taking the time to perfect what the ideal Valentine’s Day means for each of you, both for you and your sweetheart. Creating a vision is different than making a plan. In order to have an ideal date with your Valentine, you have to first envision what would make the day ideal for both of you.
Ask your partner to also imagine their Valentine’s Day. If they could have anything they wanted on February 14th, what would it be? Then share your ideas with one another. To begin, ask yourselves the following questions. What, when, where and how?
What do you imagine would be the most romantic or fun thing to do together on Valentine’s Day? Would you prefer to go out or stay home? Do you like a loud, crowded bar with lots of music and action? Or do you like to stay home and cuddle on the couch and share a homemade meal in front of an old movie? Your visions do not have to match; you can work that out later. For now, you are only imagining your dreams. Even if they are unrealistic, say waking up on a Caribbean beach and drinking pina colodas for breakfast, share your dream anyway. There may be a way you can incorporate the pina colodas even if you can’t escape to an island this year.
When is the most important part of the day for you? Do you like to stay in bed in the morning and snuggle? Do you want to wish your partner a Happy Valentine’s Day before you even brush your teeth? Or is the nighttime the biggest part of your fantasy for Valentine’s Day? Is dancing under the moon the most romantic part of the day for you? Does an afternoon picnic sound like the most fun part of your day and something you always wanted to try?
Where do you want to spend the day? If you could imagine going anywhere, where would it be? Do you envision a romantic ski lodge with a hot tub in the Northeast or are you excited to escape to that Caribbean island for a long overdue vacation? Maybe your ideal place to spend Valentine’s Day is your own kitchen cooking a gourmet meal together, or at a playground with your children enjoying a family day.
And finally, how could you make it all – or parts of it - happen? Do you need to call a travel agent or shop for a special desert? Make a list starting today of the what, when, where and how’s of your special day. You can write these down or grab a sketch pad to draw your notes. Even if you can integrate parts of your vision, or surprise one another with a piece of your vision, it can make the day special.
If you imagine your perfect Valentine’s Day spending it at home eating a cozy dinner in front of the fireplace, plan the food you would like to eat, bring in the wood for the roaring fire on the hearth, and perhaps shop for some sexy outfits to complete the fantasy. In your vision, are you in tuxedo and gown or are you in après-ski outfits, with thick socks and a blanket shared by two? Maybe you envision a breakfast of champagne and chocolates in bed, in silky pajamas. Start thinking about where you will buy your sexy new PJ’s.
If you fantasize about Paris for the weekend, it may be just as sexy (well, at least a close second) to shop for a poster of the Eiffel tower as a gift for your partner, and but some French pastries for desert. Let them get the French champagne. And if you are feeling creative, make a homemade Valentine’s card with “j’etaime” written in red magic marker. Remember, sometimes the home made gifts are the ones we remember the most.
When you share your vision, try not to judge your partner’s ideas if they are different than yours. Talk about what is most important to both of you, and agree on some of the more special ingredients that you both can enjoy.
What is your perfect Valentine’s Day? Share your vision, and create your perfect date… for your perfect Valentine.
Tammy Nelson PhD is a World Renowned Sex and Relationship expert and the author of “Getting the Sex You Want; Shed Your Inhibitions and Reach New Heights of Passion Together” and “The New Monogamy; Redefine Your Relationship After Infidelity” and can be found at www.drtammynelson.com
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