How Sexting Improves Your Relationship

Love, Self

Keep it interesting, Sext.

A new study from Drexel University recently revealed that 8 out of 10 people surveyed online had been sexting with a partner over the prior year, and that the more they sexted, the greater the levels of satisfaction sexually they experienced, particularly for those sexters who were in relationships.

Emily Stasko, MS, MPH, a doctoral student at Drexel University presented the research at the APA’s Convention in Toronto this past week with Pamela Geller, PhD, an associate professor of psychology.

They surveyed 870 participants ages 18 to 82, half of which were women. They found that the more people texted, both men and women, the more sexually satisfied they were.

They defined sexting as sending or receiving suggestive or explicit content through texts on a mobile device. They found that almost 90 percent reported having sexted and 82 percent said they had done it within the last year. Almost 75 percent said they did it with a committed partner, 43 percent did it with a casual partner. 

For the singles, sexting only led to low sexual satisfaction. The higher the commitment levels in the relationship, the greater the relationship satisfaction as a result of sexting. And, if sexting was more carefree and an expected part of the relationship, it enhanced the fun.

An important note, this survey was sent out to participants online, which means that everyone who answered the survey was on their computer, handheld device or telephone.  So is this causation or correlation?  In other words, do the people who respond to surveys online spend more time naturally on digital devices, and would it be a stretch then, that they would have more sexual contact through their digital phones?

Does greater sexual satisfaction happen because of sexy texts? Or were those who were already in good relationships doing more to make things sexy, including sending erotic texts to one another?  Good partners do lots of things to spice up their love life.  What comes first, a good relationship and then a desire to text one another erotic messages?  Or does the sexting make the relationship more exciting?

Stasko and Geller say that the effects of open sexual communication with a partner, whether digital or directly, cant help but be positive. Stasko said, “Most people have focused on the dangers of sexting and how it can harm a relationship…. But context matters. Sexting is definitely something that many adults are doing, it’s not going away, and the findings indicate that it can actually be good for relationships and sexual satisfaction.”

In a recent podcast interview with’s editor Lori Leibovich, we talked about sexting and how it might help a marriage instead of harming it.  Why wouldn’t a couple want to integrate a form of technology that is a large part of their daily life so that it works for their marriage instead of separating them? 

To listen to the podcast, click here

Our phones, Ipads and hand held devices are not going away, and if a couple can use texting to send sexy messages to one another and find a way to connect through sending sexy thoughts, it may be a way to make their phones a positive part of intimate lives, instead of the thing that drives them apart. 

Next time you are in bed together with each of you on your separate telephones, send them a sexy text.  Ask them what they are wearing. Tell them what you have on, even if you have to exaggerate a little.  Use the phone to heat up your sex life, instead of making it the one thing that creates a wedge between you. 

Being on your phones can make it feel that you are cheating, lying in bed next to each other.    Or it can bring the ultimate connection and sexual satisfaction, no matter how long you have been together or how old you are.

Dr Tammy Nelson is a sex and relationship expert and the author of Getting the Sex You Want; Shed Your Inhibitions and Reach New Heights of Passion Together.  For more ways to improve your sexual communication go to this website.  


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