Why Obessing Over Your Ex Is RUINING Your Life

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coping with divorce

He's happy. You can be too.

“If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging,” says Adair Lara from Normal is Just a Setting on the Dryer.

Sometimes coping with divorce, especially midlife divorce, is like being in a giant hole, and you're in the bottom digging away. And if you’re like me, you're probably sobbing harder and harder the deeper you go.

Give up! Stop digging yourself deeper and deeper into post-divorce sadness!

Think about this: While you’re digging in your dirty, cramped, slimy hole, your ex-husband (A.K.A. "wasband") and his new girlfriend (A.K.A. "girlfiend") are probably out having a wonderful time somewhere. You can’t do one single thing about that, but that's not important.

You can't control your ex, but you CAN decide to stop digging and get out of your depressed hole. You CAN start creating a wonderful time of your own.

During the first part of my divorce journey, after my ex-husband's continued infidelity, I was just so incredibly sad about the whole thing that I could hardly function. Eventually, I started getting mad. I thought, “He can do whatever ugly, selfish, hurtful, abominable thing he wants to do, but I’m not going to let his bad behavior ruin my life. He's the one who should be in a hole, not me!” And do you know what? He will be.

As much as it seems like your ex's life is all sweetness and light, everyone will be held accountable for their actions and the record will be set straight eventually.

If you have a Bible, read the whole chapter of Psalm 37. One part reads like this: “Never envy the wicked! Soon they fade away like grass and disappear. Trust in the Lord instead. Be kind and good to others; then you will live safely here in the land and prosper, feeding in safety.” This verse applies to you and me, too. Don’t be brought down by someone else’s actions. Stand up! Trust God! Keep doing right!

Let's all stop digging in that divorce hole and be the person God made us to be. Let God take care of putting people in their proper places. He will, so stop worrying about that and just make sure you're not still digging your way in the bottomless pity pit of nothing good! Stand in the light! Get out of the embarrassing hole everybody sees you in. Shine like the noonday sun!

“Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him to help you do it and he will. Your innocence will be clear to everyone. He will vindicate you with the blazing light of justice shining down as from the noonday sun. — Psalm 37:5-6 (The Living Bible)

For help creating the life you want after divorce, go to www.midlifedivorcerecovery.com and check out all the ways we can help.  Our goal is to not just helping you feel better, but helping you build a life that is everything you want it to be. For example, our Divorce Survival Kit pampers you but also gives you tools to get out of the divorce hole! The MDRcommunity connects you with other RADiCAL Women (Women who are Rising Above Divorce In Confidence And Love) .... women who are on the divorce recovery road too and who are not content to be in the hole, but are supporting and encouraging each other along the way to a better place. Join us!

This article was originally published at Suzy Brown. Reprinted with permission from the author.


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