Feeling like a failure? These will help.
As a Christian woman, you certainly took your wedding vows seriously. You promised in front of family and friends that you would love, honor, and cherish your husband until one of you died. In the best of all circumstances, Christians aren’t supposed to get divorced. A Christian wife is supposed to be there through everything.
And yet, here you are. Facing the unthinkable.
When divorce is in your future, in spite of your faith and promises to God, this new future is a reality you have to face. Whether your husband cheated or simply stopped wanting the life you created together, as agonizing as it is, you have to confront the truth.
Your kids need you to be strong so you can help them get through this earth-shattering time. But what does that mean for you when can barely accept it yourself? The pain is unbearable, and shame spills out when you have to admit to anyone that your marriage is over.
Your feelings are a mix of emotions, all coming at you at once.
Not only are you feeling a desperate sadness that's hard to describe, but you’re also beginning to feel a fury that you couldn’t have imagined before. There are feelings of guilt and failure. Who on the planet are you NOT letting down?
And on top of it all is God. This ending is a not just breaking your earthly world apart, it’s also breaking a vow between you and God. A vow that you never intended to break, but somehow, no matter how hard you tried, could not prevent.
It’s a lot for one person to carry. As much as your friends and family want to help, they don’t understand the despair you’re feeling.
There comes a moment when you have to face what’s ahead and surrender to the truth. Your marriage isn’t going to be repaired. You can’t force your spouse to choose you, your kids or your wedding vows. But then you have to deal with your feelings of guilt, shame, and confusion around what's happened between you and God.
The only option out of your despair is to accept what has happened and move on with your life. That begins by embracing one simple truth: God loves you unconditionally.
Right now, God’s love can motivate you to love yourself. To make that happen there are five beliefs you have to adopt to free you from the clutches of the past and steady your heart in the truth of what’s to come.
Remember that each one only works when it's coupled with the belief that God is on your side, championing you on and always leading you to your best life. .
Make these your morning affirmations to center your day and revisit them whenever you feel your path is tipping away from your faith that God is helping you through this challenging part of your journey:
1. Today, I will give up my misery marathon and choose to live in faith that my life, my future and my children are being taken care of by God.
2. Today I will give up being “Boss of the Universe” and take care of this one day and all that it brings to me. My focus will be on the joys the day brings, not my past struggles or fears about the future. Today I will live in this moment and treasure it.
3. Today I will give up focusing on people and things that I cannot control.
4. Today I will stop obsessing about anything that I cannot change.
5. Today, I will resist trying to fix everything for everybody else and work on getting better myself.
Even during divorce, when it feels like we’ll never be happy again, God is always there behind the scenes pushing us to where he wants us to be.
For you, this is a new conversation with God. One that may continue with a prayer after your affirmations. Something like this: “Okay God. I have no idea what you’re trying to do here, but I’m going to do my best to shine your light wherever I can today in spite of this divorce. Please help me find your will in all this, because many times, I have no clue what you want me to do. But I'm willing to trust you that this is the best path for me to be on today.”
With your intention clear, your only question every day becomes, “What can I do right now to get better?” Most of the time that means getting help and staying on the path of doing the next right thing for yourself and your family.
If you’re struggling with the end of your marriage, I can help. I’m Suzy Brown, owner of MidlifeDivorceRecovery.com and like you, I’m a Christian woman who has weathered the pain of divorce (and thankfully come out on the other side). My gift is a free conversation with me so I can see where you are and help you figure out your best “next steps”. Reach out today and we’ll get through this together.