13 Things I WISH My Adopted Parents Had Told Me (That Would've Changed My Life)

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Things I WISH My Parents Had Told Me
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Oh, the suffering I could have avoided if I had only known these things.

As an adoptee, we know that deep inside we are different. Even as a child and being told we were adopted, it doesn’t ease the indifference because we can’t define it.

We don’t know what ‘being adopted’ really means. The primal wound that is a part of us, alludes us so we go on feeling like something must be wrong with ‘me’.

All we do know is that something doesn' fit. Somehow, while we belong to this family, we feel like outsiders looking in. 

You know that feeling when you peer in a window then someone appears from nowhere on the other side of the glass and startles you? That’s kind of what it feels like. The glass is thick creating a barrier, there is a glare on the glass and suddenly you see eyes staring back at you. 

The person on the other side is familiar yet not so much that you feel comfortable going (and staying) inside. And the glare on the glass is how we go through life. We see things a bit tainted, but we don’t know why.

We don’t feel safe and as life goes on living behind a wall wearing tainted glasses, our deepest feelings of un-belonging become center stage in our lives. The people that are supposed to love us, feel threatened and isolate us.

We don’t fit in and they help us feel that way.

Because they don’t understand us.

What I would have loved my parents to have told me is (and things adopted parents should say to their kids):

  1. "I love you, no matter what."
  2. "Your feelings matter."
  3. "Who you are is enough."
  4. "I hear you and I am trying my best to understand."
  5. "You are unique — as is everyone - embrace it."
  6. "Your story is important."
  7. "YOU are important."
  8. "Your voice matters — use it."
  9. "It's ok to have an opinion."
  10. "I accept you."
  11. "When someone treats you badly, it's not about you."
  12. "You make a difference in my life."
  13. "You are worthy."

While that list seems extensive, it really doesn’t take much at all. The only real thing it takes is being emotionally stable yourself. When you are emotionally stable, you are not mired in your own childhood wounds and triggered to react to our insecurities.

That is when you are able to feel the compassion and have the understanding that is required to raise happy, healthy, and whole adopted kids (or any kids for that matter).

The rest just happens through osmosis.

Suzanne works with prospective adoptive couples who have unresolved issues surrounding their childhood that will cloud their ability to parent. She helps them to be confident, loving parents to their child, and provide an environment where the child thrives. Reach out to her here for a free 'Confident Loving Parent' breakthrough session. You can also check out her free E-book, 9 (Little Known) Factors That Could Affect Your Adopted Babies Mental Health And What You Can Do To Prevent It.

Watch Youtuber Sam Futerman talk about what it's like being adopted:

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