Orgasms are mind-altering events. And to find them, enhance them, and increase them, we need to find a few ways to alter our minds. Here are some easy ways to do so.
1. Have a drink.
One ounce of vodka with fruit or vegetable juice can help you pick the lock on your "pleasure chest." But two ounces may make you incapable of lifting the lid. We want just enough to remove the inhibiting neocortex, but not so much that the nervous system shuts down. Just one is just right.
2. Use stimulating herbs like marijuana and motherwort.
In her book Woman, Natalie Angier offers her recipe for getting away from the neocortex and into the orgasmic hypothalamus. She rejects alcohol as too numbing, and Quaaludes because she can’t get them, but finds that marijuana "can be a sexual mentor and a sublime electrician, bringing the lights of Broadway to women who have spent years in frigid darkness." As medical marijuana bills expand into more states, more women in need will have access to this most sublime orgasm mentor.
Motherwort tincture is a safe, effective way to switch off anxiety and troublesome thoughts. The best tinctures are made from fresh plants, not dried, so check the label carefully. Neither tea nor capsules of motherwort (Leonurus cardiaca) will have the same effect. A dose of the tincture of this plant from the mint family is 10-30 drops. The calming effect is usually evident within 15-25 minutes. Doses may be repeated as needed, as often as desired. There is no overdose.
Happy thoughts nourish the hypothalamus. Close your eyes and remember an exciting, fulfilling sexual encounter. Smile. Grin. Laugh out loud. If you can’t remember such an encounter, make one up. People instructed to put a pencil crosswise in their mouths find everything more amusing because their lips are in a smile and the chemicals in their brains are now set for joy.
Meditation teaches us to quiet the neocortex and allow the more creative, sensual, orgasmic parts of our brains to come forward. A regular meditation practice is ideal, but not required. Sit quietly, in candlelight, looking into your lover’s eyes and holding hands. (Or place the right hand on each other’s hearts and the left hand on top of the other’s right hand on your heart.) Breathe together. Melt into each other. Follow the energy.
5. Take a deep breath and relaaaaax.
Relaxation turns the neocortex off and the hypothalamus on. The more quickly we can enter a state of relaxed awareness, the more fun we are likely to have in bed. And relaxation is a skill that can be learned. Most weekly yoga classes end with a relaxation. Or try this do-it-yourself relaxation. Practice it daily, perhaps before sleep, as it may cause you to drift off.
Starting with your toes, and working your way up your body, tell each different part to relax. Breathe in and out several times as each part in turn lets go and relaxes. Remember to include your sexual organs, digestive system, heart, liver, and even your brain. Safety, darkness, and silence enhance the experience of relaxation.