Get More R-E-S-P-E-C-T

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Get More R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Stop being a doormat and start getting the respect you deserve from your partner!

Have you ever felt like this?

Candace feels like a doormat because she gets "walked on" by just about everyone in her life.

She gets shoved to back of the bus on her way to and from work every day. Her co-workers dump the worst jobs on her desk. Her kids never thank her for all of the things she does.

And, worst of all, her husband dismisses whatever she says with the accusation, "You're just being jealous." Candace has grown to hate those four words.

It seems like anytime she asks her husband to phone when he'll be late or to take her out for dinner, he finds a way to say "No." Because he claims she is jealous.

The truth is, Candace has struggled with jealousy for quite some time. She used to hound her husband with questions when he'd been away at work or out with friends. Her interrogations led to many arguments between the two of them.

Unfortunately, Candace feels like her husband now uses her jealousy as an excuse to ignore and reject pretty much anything she asks of him.

She has been working on her jealousy habit and has actually made some improvements. Candace no longer checks her husband's phone every night when he's out of the room. She calms down before saying whatever worrisome thought pops into her mind.

But...... She really wants to feel respected. She wants her family, co-workers and especially her husband to treat her with respect.

Do you want more respect?

As Aretha Franklin sang in the 1960s R&B song, "All I'm askin' is for a little respect...." This may be your unofficial anthem as well. 

Your situation may be quite difference from Candace's. Maybe you do feel like you get respect from some people, but not others. But, if you don't feel a sense of kindness and consideration from those closest to you — like your partner — it probably makes for a miserable experience.

It's time for a change! If you tend to get jealous, maybe your partner brings it up. Mabey your partner, like Candace's husband, seems to use your jealousy as an excuse to dismiss what you say and what you want.

One thing we know for sure is......

Respect and trust go hand in hand.

If you feel disrespected by your partner, it's likely that you have a difficult time trusting him or her. It could be that, in the past, your partner lied to you or had an affair. The trust in your relationship was broken in some way and and you possibly felt dishonored by the betrayal.

You and your partner moved on from whatever break in trust occurred, but a part of you really didn't move on. A part of you continues to feel wounded, hurt and unable to trust again.

It is actually smart to assess your partner's actions after lying or cheating to know whether he or she is actually making changes and is trustable again. This is a process and can take some time. But, do make sure you are actively working to heal and release the past.

This can free you up to re-connect with your partner and to get the respect you deserve.

Honor and respect yourself first.

It is nearly impossible for you to feel respect from others if you don't have respect for yourself first. If you struggle with insecurity or low self esteem, it's highly likely that you don't have much respect for yourself.

Remember, you are the one who teaches others how to treat you.

This isn't always easy to hear, but it's important.

It is your job to honor and respect yourself first and this sets a powerful example for other people in your life. Demonstrating self-respect can take many different forms. It can be how well you treat your body in terms of comments you make to others and what your diet and exercise habits are.

Self-respect can also be shown in how much of a priority you make your own needs. If you automatically say "yes" to favors and requests without really knowing if this is doable and appealing for you, then you're not respecting yourself.

Instead, pause before you answer any request. Breathe and give an answer that comes not from what you think you "should" do, but from what truly resonates for you.

Cultivating healthy self-respect most definitely involves you setting some boundaries. If your partner frequently dismisses you for "just being jealous," remember to pause. Your partner might have a valid point. If so, admit that you were speaking from jealousy.

Get a clear view and address the issue from the facts and not from jealous worries or fears.

Ask your partner to really hear you. Be specific about what you'd like him or her to do and how you will also help improve whatever the situation is. Above all, remember that you can ask to be spoken to and treated in a way that is kind and respectful.

Jealousy doesn't have to wreck your self esteem or your relationship. Start today creating the kind of respectful and trusting love relationship or marriage you have been longing for. Get powerful tools to overcome jealousy here.

More on trust issues from YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Susie & Otto Collins

Author

Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the passionate relationships they desire.



 

Location: Columbus, OH
Credentials: BS, CCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues
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