How To Affair-Proof Your Marriage...When Your Husband Is A Hottie

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Marriage Therapist: How To Affair-Proof Your Marriage
These must-do's help prevent infidelity, as well as create more trust & connection in your marriage.

Being married to a fabulous guy brings with it a very unique set of problems. You feel lucky to have him as your partner, but behind the bliss are a whole lot of fears. Do any of these thoughts sound familiar?

"I trust my husband, but know how other women are."
"He's a great-looking, amazing man
a real catchwhich is why I'm so worried."
"My partner is too nice. He just doesn't get it when a woman is flirting with him."

When your husband is a hottie, you may feel like you're always on guard. It seems like wherever he goes, other women are drawn to him and want to talk to him, be near him and even touch him. You get jealous, and tension and conflict soon follow in your relationship.

Even if your husband doesn't look like he could be a Calvin Klein underwear model, you might anxiously be on the lookout for other women who see the great guy he is. This makes parties and social gatherings a nightmare. You can't enjoy being with friends because you're watching for other women trying to flirt and get his attention. Doesn't that sound exhausting?

That's the fear that gets in the way of you and your man enjoying a trusting and close relationship. You're certain that, somehow, another woman will lure him away from you and he'll cheat. Unfortunately, it's this very same fear that can push him away and, possibly, into someone else's arms. You CAN affair-proof your relationship so that it won't matter how good-looking your man is or what anyone else says or does to him; the two of you will be free to create the amazing relationship you want. Read on to learn the five must-dos to prevent infidelity in your marriage. 

1. Stop The Stories
You've got to stop telling yourself that your relationship is always in imminent danger from other women. The stories you create in your mind may have a kernel of truth, either now or in the past, but if they aren't completely grounded in fact now, they're going to rob you of your peace of mind and your ability to get close to your husband.

Catch yourself when you're thinking things like, "She's out to get my man" or any other thought that is about someone else's motivations or "hidden agenda." If you can't really know that it's true, resist the urge to build it up in your mind. 

2. Resolve Little Problems Sooner
Healthy relationships need care and attention. It's so much easier to work through a disagreement and soothe hurt feelings when they're small and manageable. Even if you insist that something is "no big deal," if you continue to feel annoyed and upset about something for longer than a day, it will build resentment. It's smart to get clear within yourself about the issue and then communicate with your partner about it.

3. Own Your Role In Big Problems
Every couple has at least one hot-button issue that persists over the course of their relationship. It might be about money, sex, parenting or something else—but it's one of your "big" problems because you two stumble over it again and again. Take responsibility for how you usually react when this trouble issue comes up. Chances are, your way of dealing (or not dealing) with it are part of the reason why it's a problem in your relationship. Even a slight shift in how you usually react can make a positive difference and keep you two cooperating.

4. Boost Your Confidence
Beneath your stories about your husband being "such a catch" and "prey to other women," is insecurity. You may argue that you don't have self-esteem issues, but your anxiousness and worries say otherwise. Be honest with yourself and take steps to boost your confidence where it's weak. A healthier body image, sense of self worth and overall appreciation and self-love make it possible for you to show up in your marriage in ways that positively keep your partner's attention now and in the future.

5. Make Connection Your The Priority
Instead of always guarding against other women's advances (that may or may not be a figment of your imagination), re-focus on the connection you and your man share. In just about every case, infidelity happens when there is distance and disconnection. So identify where the "holes" are in your relationship and really address them. The wonderful side effect of this is that it not only affair-proofs your relationship, it also makes it more passionate and fun!

Jealousy is painful for you and a major cause of disconnection in your marriage... and it doesn't have to be. Get practical tips you can use to move past jealousy and get back to loving your partner. They're here in our free 7 Jealousy-Stopping Secrets.

More marriage therapist advice on YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Susie & Otto Collins

Author

Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the passionate relationships they desire.



 

Location: Columbus, OH
Credentials: BS, CCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues
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