How can I be sure infidelity won't happen again?
It was probably quite painful and difficult to discover that your partner was having an affair. If you two decided to stay together and rebuild trust, you are aware that the healing process can take time, patience and care. No matter where you are in this relationship rebuilding process, you might be experiencing jealous fears.
You may remember vividly the raw and intense emotions that came up for you around your partner's infidelity. Perhaps you even made a promise to yourself that you will not tolerate your mate cheating again. You are forgiving him or her this time but have made it clear that there won't be a “next time.”
Even with these firm boundaries set and the strides you two have made to improve your relationship and begin to turn trust around, it could be that you are frequently worried and jealous.
If so, you aren't the only one who has felt this way!
The first step toward feeling ease and opening up to love and rebuilt trust in your relationship is to be gentle with yourself. Criticizing yourself for mistrust or a jealous habit will not point you toward letting go of the fear.
Ric feels like he's followed all of the steps you're supposed to take after your partner has cheated. Carrie, his girlfriend, has taken full responsibility for the affair she had a few months ago and has expressed to him many times that she is willing to do whatever is necessary to earn Ric's trust again and rebuild their relationship.
It does seem to Ric like Carrie is trying hard to prove to him that she is trustable and committed to their relationship. But no matter how good he is starting to feel about loving Carrie, Ric cannot seem to get past the gnawing fears in the pit of his stomach.Carrie had an affair with a business associate and now just about everyday she is at work, Ric worries that she will cheat again.
When you trust someone-- especially your mate in a love relationship-- you take a risk.
In order to trust and be trusted, you have to put yourself “out there” to a certain degree and assume that your partner will uphold promises and commitments you two have made to one another. When turning trust around after infidelity, if you want to stay with the same person, you are still going to have to take risks.
But rather than blindly or naively trusting no matter what, we advise you to take conscious and aware risks. Base your willingness to trust (and rebuild trust) on the moments you are experiencing right now. Allow yourself to see and acknowledge what's happening in your present moment.
Learn to stay present.
Especially after experiencing the betrayal of an affair, it can be difficult to stay present. Perhaps the events around your mate's cheating seem lodged in your mind. When you continue to give your attention to those past events that are so upsetting, it is understandable that jealous fears can develop and grow.