4 Ways To Make Your Apology Count

Rachel is not in the habit of lying to her husband.

She told a flat-out lie to him about her lunch date the day before and she was caught by a mutual friend who happened to mention to Rachel's husband that she was a particular restaurant with another man.

Now, Rachel's husband is upset and wants to know why she would claim to have met a female friend of hers for lunch when, in fact, she was with another man.

Rachel's relationship with James-- the man with whom she had the lunch date-- is complicated. They met at a work-related convention and began communicating online a year or so ago. When James was recently transferred to a company in Rachel's city, she and James began to meet for lunch dates.

Nothing sexual has happened between them. But, Rachel cannot say that she doesn't have romantic feelings for James. This is why she lied about her lunch date with him to her husband.

And, this is why Rachel is confused about how to say “I'm sorry” for lying and get her marriage back on track.

When you lie to your mate, it could be for whole variety of different reasons...

You might lie to cover up something that you have done that is potentially inappropriate or that would break trust.
You might lie to protect your own ego.
You might lie because you think the truth will hurt your spouse's feelings.
You might lie because you just aren't ready for your mate to learn this thing about you.

Just as there are various motivations for lying, there are also varying degrees of lying.
No matter how you rationalize the lie you have told and regardless of how “minor” the lie seems to be to you, it will have a negative effect on trust in your relationship.

There is no way around the fact that lying takes you and your spouse further away from one another.

Whether you've been caught in the lie or if you are tired of keeping the lie and you are ready to admit the truth, you will want to apologize, make amends and repair trust in your relationship.

Here are 4 ways to say “I'm sorry” that can help you leave the lie behind and re-connect with your partner...

#1: Figure out why you lied in the first place.
Before you approach your partner with an apology, it's really important for you to understand what motivated you to lie. Take some time for yourself and go inside to get clear about this.

Rachel realizes that her friendship with James has developed into something more. She is certain that James feels the same way and he's even said he's open to taking their friendship to a new level of intimacy.

These new developments in her friendship with James are both upsetting and exciting.

A part of Rachel longs to see where this will lead. But, another part of Rachel still loves her husband and wants to feel this kind of excitement about him and not another man.
Rachel can see that she lied to try to hide these mixed feelings and the emotional affair that she's been having.