You wish he'd look at you the way he used to. You long to feel adored and desired as you did when you two first got together. You want to know, without a doubt, that your partner still finds you beautiful, even though you've been married for a long time. After years — decades, even — together, you and your husband probably know each other very well. You can guess what he'll order when you go out to eat and he's able to predict (with relatively high accuracy) how you'll respond to certain situations.
There are many benefits to having a history that has bonded you through the ups and the downs. While neither of you is perfect, you have the sense that you're in this together and that you can count on one another. There is comfort in the familiarity that exists in your relationship. But there can be discomfort and boredom with this familiarity too.
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Your husband may not tell you how gorgeous you are as often, or ever. He might not look at you with appreciation when you get dressed up like he used to. The downside of knowing one another so well is that the passion can fade away and even die. You both take it for granted that the other person knows how much you care and that desire is still there. But doubts form as you're just not sure anymore if your partner finds you attractive the way he used to.
Uncertainty grows as your body changes over time. If you've given birth to children, you know the sags and stretch marks that can result. As the years pass by, the middle age bulge may literally change your shape along with the appearance of wrinkles and gray hair. These are all very natural occurrences, and women (and men too) can be just as attractive at any age — but this isn't always easy to believe when we're going through it.
The combination of changes in your body and your relationship can leave you feeling ugly and old. And it's those beliefs about your diminishing beauty that kill the passion even more in your marriage and a put cold distance between you and the one you love. It's cyclical! You might also believe that all of this is inevitable. Maybe you think that this is just the way marriage goes, and that you'll have to learn to be okay with believing your partner doesn't desire you anymore. If so, we urge you to consider these four tips that will help you rediscover your beauty and reignite the passion in your relationship.
1. Stop the negative self-talk.
You will never feel beautiful and you won't be able to hear his compliments if you are caught up in self-criticism, insecurity and put-downs. Listen in to the comments you make when you look in the mirror. Hear the way you talk about yourself to others (and in your own mind). You might not be able to prevent the negative judgments from coming up, but you can choose whether or not you'll feed and focus on those thoughts.
2. Stop making it his job.
It's time to take back your power! If you're like many women, you make your man responsible for how you feel and what you think about your body and yourself overall. This is unfair to him, and it's self-destructive too. It's not your spouse's job to make you feel gorgeous or to even feel desirable and loved. It's your job. By the way, this doesn't mean that you he can't say kind and loving things to you (and about you). It's just that you now know that responsibility for your sense of value and respect is yours.
3. Treat your body like a temple.
Watch not only your thoughts, but your actions too. Do you treat your body as your lowest priority or something you'll "get to when you have time?" Do you eat, drink and move as if your body is a temple or a dumping ground? A step to feeling beautiful again is to make sure your actions line up with what you want. This is not a call for you to crash diet or overdo it at the gym. Start where you are and make doable changes to develop healthier habits.
4. Rediscover your own brand of beauty.
If you've ever looked through a magazine or watched television or movies, you've been bombarded with a lot of messages about what constitutes beauty in our culture. That standard of beauty is often portrayed as thin, young, large breasted, long legged and (predominantly) white. On some level, you may consider yourself unattractive because you don't fit this impossible standard. Isn't it time to re-think what beauty can be? Look within you because that's where it starts. Beauty is an outward reflection of how much you honor and celebrate your strengths and also how accepting you are of your weaknesses. When you are at peace with and proud of who you are on the inside, you'll glow on the outside. And that's irresistable!
Who says passion has to fade away in a marriage or long-term relationship? We know it's a big lie! Find out how to keep Passionate Spark~Lasting Love alive, thriving and delicious at www.relationshipgold.com
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