If you're single and you'd like to be in a relationship, this time of year can be excruciating.
There can seem to be countless ads showing happy-in-love couples giving one another romantic gifts: Cars with big red bows parked outside the house. Glittering jewelry. Even those “Forever Lazy” wearable blanket things.
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In television ads and in the real life examples of people around you, it can appear that everyone else has a partner to exchange gifts with and to share the season with. Except you.
Of course, the holidays aren't just about gifts. The idealized version of the holidays often includes a scene of warmth, togetherness and connection.
You might have family and friends whom you dearly love, but if what you want is someone to kiss under the mistletoe and to snuggle with beside the holiday tree or to passionately ring in the New Year with, it can feel like the entire world is coupled up and you're left out.
This perception can bring about a serious case of the holiday blues. A lot of people get sad and even depressed this time of year. We can understand why. There's a lot of hype and those ads for expensive gift items that only a few people can really afford only make things worse.
When you're single and you'd like to be with your Mr. or Ms. Right, all of the hype and idealization of the holidays add up...leaving you feeling sad and out of sorts. Your blues might even lead you to doubt whether or not you'll ever attract the kind of love you're looking for.
You can beat the blues, enjoy your holiday traditions of choice and put yourself in a place where you can easily-- maybe even effortlessly-- attract your perfect partner.
We're here to help with these 4 steps...
#1: Stop your mind.
Pay attention to your thoughts. You might not literally believe that everyone else is in a relationship except for you, but part of the time maybe you tell yourself similar thoughts. If you have an idealized view of the holidays or where you “should” be in your life right now (e.g. in a relationship or maybe even married), STOP!
Get into the habit of monitoring the dominant thoughts that pass through your mind. They are a prime cause your holiday blues and you can change them.
We're not suggesting that you pretend that you're happy about being single when you're not. Be real with yourself, but watch the spin you put on your current situation. This is crucial.
We find it a powerful practice to interrupt thoughts that aren't helping us have the kind of life experience we desire and then to deliberately shift focus to different-- and authentic-- thoughts that positively support us.
Try it and notice how you feel when you do this.
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#2: Start treating yourself right.
You don't have to wait around until you're in a love relationship to feel special and cared for. The holidays are a time for gifts. What gifts can you give yourself this year?