This very word can bring up strong reactions in people.
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It might bring up irritation because your partner expects you to be romantic and it's just not your thing. It may trigger sadness and regret at the kind of relationship you'd like to have, but don't. It may cause you to feel nostalgic for earlier times in your relationship when your partner swept you off your feet but that doesn't happen anymore.
Here's what you might be thinking...
“My partner is incapable of being romantic.”
“I'm not worthy of being romanced or treated the way I really want to be treated.”
“There is a lack of love and spark in my relationship.”
“We're too old and we've been together too long for romance.”
We maintain that none of these statements are completely true.
Even if you're with a guy who seems to be 100% clueless about what romance is and even if you're with a woman who keeps you at arm's length, these statements are most likely not accurate all (or any) of the time.
Everyone has the capacity to be romantic and loving. What that exactly means is going to vary and this is a key thing to remember.
Here are 4 reasons why it might seem like there is no romance in your relationship and what you can do about it...
#1: You and your partner are stuck.
If you feel stuck and in a passionless place in your relationship, you're probably not making it up. You've probably got real and legitimate reasons why you believe that there is no romance.
The thing to do when you feel stuck is to get curious. Stop looking for who is to blame and try to get clearer about why you feel stuck and what habits-- that you AND your partner have-- are contributing to this.
For example, it could be that you two have become entrenched in a routine that is very busy and leaves little time for connection and to be alone. This is particularly so for couples who have young children or even teenagers living at home.
The more you can figure out how you and your partner are stuck and the more you can get creative and make more time to really BE with one another, the easier it will be to bring back the romance.
#2: Resentment and/or anger are in the way.
There's no bigger passion killer than resentment and anger. Both build up and can be a dangerous pair. If you recognize either of these emotions dominant within you or in your relationship, trace it back to the source.
What events are you still holding onto? What conflicts remain unresolved?
Take steps to make peace with the past, to resolve divisive issues that linger between you and your partner and to live more fully in the present moment.
It's not going to encourage your partner to be more romantic when you are still angry about how badly he (or she) handled a past Valentine's Day, anniversary or other special occasion, for instance.
You might need to do this letting go of the past by yourself or in conversation with your partner. If you do need to communicate about your lingering anger, do so in a way that allows you both to be heard and to move forward-- together.
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