How Couples Can Stay Friends After Divorce

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Miranda and Orlando put up a united front for their son, Flynn
Can exes really be friends? How do you go about this when you have children and are divorced?

Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr are putting on a united front and pretending to be friends after their break up, which was just announced last week. Whether they can be friends or not at this stage seems a bit premature. My guess is that really one of them is open to reconciliation, and the friendship issue isn't really the dynamic we are witnessing. I suspect one of them broke up with the other, and one of them is in shock. Hard to tell which one did the dumping because she has her arm in his while they stroll around town, but then she turns her cheek to him when he leans in for a kiss. 

With Orlando and Miranda released a joint statement saying they are going to be friends, but I think one of them could be playing nice because they didn't want out. Whether they get back together or remain apart is irrelevant to most but them, but can they be friends long term? Can exes really be friends, and if so, how do you go about this when you have children and are divorcing? Read on to learn 5 ways you can act to achieve a friendship with your ex. 

  1. Always speak kindly to each other no matter what happened. Hopefully, one day it will be so far in the rear view mirror it won't matter. Play nice.
  2. Don't bring any other romantic interest around your ex or the children at this point. This means no sharing of your new single life on Facebook or social media at all. Feeling like you are going to be replaced could cause permanent hard feelings with the children and your spouse.  
  3. Focus on your children together at this time during all the turmoil just like Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr appear to do when strolling with their child. Make it about the children. After all, the well being of your children is your new common goal in life that you both share. 
  4. Do not share details of the split with friends or even close family for awhile. At least not until the both of you emerge on the other end as friends. It makes reconciliation harder, so you don't want to burn bridges you may want to cross again. You might want to go back with that person down the road even though you don't think so now.
  5. Remember success is the best revenge. Keep all your revenge fantasies to yourself, and do not even dream of keying the car. Above all, stay level headed.  Stressful times like this reveal what type of person you really are, and you don't want to be forever known as the "crazy" ex because you are aiming for "my ex who is such a great friend now."

See? Not so hard! And even if you're not close friends, the benefits of a civil breakup will benefit you, your kids and your future. 

More divorce coach advice on YourTango:

 

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Susan Trombetti

Matchmaker

Susan Trombetti

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