Let me get you up to date in Rose’s story. It started with her being a widow after a 30 year difficult marriage. Never having dated or participated in any sexual experimentation, Rose had now become a serial dater. She met several men who were contenders for full time relationship but none had really risen to the top.
One revealed himself to be a player who was seriously romancing and seducing several women at the same time. Another was just completely boring and unwilling to talk about anything except himself and all of the fabulous things he had accomplished in his life. Another one asked her to move in and marry him on their first date. She started to get discouraged about finding the perfect guy, but in truth she was really having fun.
FYI, my rule of thumb for sexual encounters is no sex for 3 months of consistent dating. The reason for this is you can never go back to what the relationship was like before the sex. Its best to know who this person is and what his values are and whether you actually like him and whether he will produce results for you before you have sex with him. Obviously not everyone follows this rule but its there for a reason. I have told my clients that the only time that sex is tolerable in the first weeks is when you know you do not want this person in your life. When you have strong chemistry and no love, respect or compatibility, you can afford to sacrifice any hope of a long term relationship and that is usually what you would be doing.
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I do know that as we get older time seems to move faster. 3 months may seem like a long time to wait but women really must understand that they have all the power in relationship and if a man will not meet your standards, he does not deserve to have you in his life. This does not mean that you must adhere to the 3 month rule in order to have a serious relationship, but it will increase your chances most of the time.
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Back to Rose, on Thanksgiving, I got a call from her telling me that she had met someone and she would like me to meet him. Her comment was he’s not very cute but he is really nice. On meeting George, I was very pleasantly surprised.
He was a very charming gentleman, a year older than Rose who was a widower of a few years. I could go into a whole story about his appearance, his occupation, his life and his assets,, but the most significant thing that I can tell you about him is he was gazing at Rose as if she was the most beautiful woman on earth. He was focused and intent on every word she uttered and he didn’t leave her side the entire evening. He was entertaining, eloquent and actually very attractive. When Rose asked me what I thought, I instantly responded he is a keeper.
After dating George for a few months, Rose announced to me that he had one year total to propose. If he didn’t want to marry her by that time, she was going to the balcony and yell Next! There was no question that George adored her and she adored him. They were very good together with both of them completely out of their comfort zones most days.