How Does An Affair Start?

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In his mind he is flattered, he thinks it's fun and exciting, and he knows it's a bit naughty!

Men are pretty unconscious about what makes them attractive. According to most women, it is not their looks that make them attractive, it is who they are and how they produce in the world. So...this married man goes to work and comes home and goes back to work the next day. At work there is a woman. She is single, attractive, smart, capable, speaks his language and someone who has time to pay attention to him. It starts as an innocent flirtation. What goes through his mind is something like "Let's see if I still have it!", so he starts flirting just to see what happens. Not a surprise, she responds by flirting back. This is the beginning of the affair. Are You Married To A Flirt?

In his mind he is flattered, he thinks it's fun and exciting, and he knows it's a bit naughty! What could be more harmless? I'm married. I'm safe. I can just have a little fun with this. So it continues. He thinks he can just experiment a little. "Let's see how charming and creative I can be. Let's see if I can get this woman to fall for me."

In his mind it is not cheating. He hasn't done anything wrong. In the beginning, he even tells his wife about this woman. He tells her about how smart she is or about some accomplishment; usually what made him notice her in the first place. Wives usually miss the first clues. The thought of the effect of his harmless flirtation on the single woman does not even enter his consciousness. So the harmless flirtation continues. It makes the married man feel good. He is happier at home and everything seems hunky dory. He tells the woman his wife doesn't understand him, she doesn't have time for him, or she just is cruel to him. The other woman then becomes his confidant and starts to believe that he really has no choice in the matter. He needs her because his wife is so...whatever. He now has both a wife and family and a woman on the side.

Recognize that this process may take several years and several different women before anything actually happens in the way of an affair. After several years of living a separate life from his wife while they live under the same roof, a married man is ready for a real affair. The reality is that an affair will occur whether it is an emotional, physical or even a cyber-affair. No matter which way it goes, what occurs takes away from the married relationship. 10 Signs You're Having An Emotional Affair

Is it true that the woman who gets involved with a married man is  looking for attention and affection? Most likely she is not looking for a married man with whom she is plotting to have an affair. There are a few predatory women out there who do just that, but the majority of affairs start out naively. She is likely to have been previously hurt in a relationship. She may or may not know that the man is married. What occurs first is she recognizes that he is paying attention to her. He may just listen to her. It may just be a momentary encounter where their eyes meet and a connection is made. They may be working together on a project and either of them may distinguish themselves in some way. What initially happens is likely to be some sort of chemistry. What happens after that varies, however, it usually follows a pattern.

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This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.

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